Funny Clean Jokes

The Strongest Bartender

May 17, 2021 / 37,242 views

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who...

A Husband And Wife Just Finished Eating Pancakes

March 09, 2021 / 48,228 views

A husband and wife had just finished eating pancakes. To the wife's surprise, her husband walked back to the stove and started making more pancakes. Confused, his wife asked, "Honey, we just ate, why are you...

Mom Is Startled When Her Son Does Math Problems

January 21, 2021 / 48,362 views

Henry was doing math homework, saying to himself... "2+5, the son of a b*tch is 7" "3+6, the son of a b*tch is 9" His mother heard this and asked, "Henry! What is this nonsense you are...

The Crime Scene

November 24, 2020 / 31,995 views

It was a brutal crime and the local constables were stumped, so they called the on the brilliant detective for help. Arriving at the scene Sherlock noticed the carpet askew, the victim on the ground, a terrible wound on his head....

A German Tourist Rescues A Dog

November 05, 2020 / 40,738 views

A German tourist jumped into the freezing water to save my precious little dog who was drowning. After he climbed out of the water he handed me the dog and said: "Here is ze dog. Keep him warm and dry him off and he...

An Overweight Time Traveler Goes To Ancient Rome

October 02, 2020 / 41,593 views

An overweight time traveler goes to ancient Rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do...

LASIK Surgery

August 26, 2020 / 41,970 views

A man just finishes his LASIK eye surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery. "So, would you like the good news or the bad news first?" the surgeon says. The man excitedly replies,...

Am I Adopted?

August 12, 2020 / 67,698 views

Fred came home from college in tears. "Mom, am I adopted?" "No of course not," replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test...

A Group Of Kindergarteners Were Trying To Become Accustomed To The First Grade

July 08, 2020 / 42,021 views

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. "You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I...

I Was At The Hospital And Walked Into A Surgeon's Office

May 26, 2020 / 45,520 views

"Can I help you?" the surgeon asked. "I keep thinking that I’m a moth," I replied. "Well you probably want to see a psychiatrist for that," he said. "Yeah, I know,"...

A Man Has Been Drinking All Day At A Bar...

May 01, 2020 / 39,959 views

A man has been drinking all day at a local bar and checks his watch. "1:30am, rats. I need to go home now or my wife's going to kill me", he thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly on...

Measuring A Flagpole

April 10, 2020 / 37,804 views

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have...

Seniors Stand In Line For The Grocery Store

March 30, 2020 / 47,863 views

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 am for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot...

A Great Joke To Explain Why People Are Stocking Up On Necessities

March 14, 2020 / 47,206 views

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at...

A London Lawyer Runs A Stop Sign And Gets Pulled Over By An Irish Cop

February 18, 2020 / 43,940 views

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's...

This Might Be The Best Dad Joke Of The Year

January 23, 2020 / 93,629 views

A father wanted to prove that he's not just some boring house Dad so he went and got his first tattoo. When he got home he excitedly showed it off to his wife and kids. "Oh, cool! It's.. uhh?" his wife...

Boy Aged 4: Dad, I've Decided To Get Married

January 08, 2020 / 54,278 views

Dad: Wonderful. Do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes... grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too....and she's the best cook and story teller in the whole world! Dad: That's nice, but we have a small...

The Three Wise Men Wearing Firemen's Helmets

December 13, 2019 / 44,128 views

In a small Southern town, there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to...