Funny Clean Jokes

From The Backwoods

March 03, 2022 / 35,043 views

Just before thanksgiving Jim and Eddie are out hunting for turkeys when Jim keels over and collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Eddie gets out his cell phone and calls the emergency...

I Was In A Long Queue At A Drive-Thru...

January 25, 2022 / 45,546 views

I was in a long queue at a drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid...

A Blind Man Walks Into A Hotel In Texas

January 04, 2022 / 38,933 views

He goes to the bar and hops up on a giant barstool. "Boy, this seat is massive!" he tells the bartender. The bartender tells him, "Everything's bigger in Texas!" He orders a beer and the...

A New Law

November 30, 2021 / 34,373 views

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants...

The Old Man And The Forest

August 19, 2021 / 43,102 views

There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting. He said, "Look at my...

9 Months Later!

June 22, 2021 / 45,995 views

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the...

The Strongest Bartender

May 17, 2021 / 38,189 views

The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who...

A Husband And Wife Just Finished Eating Pancakes

March 09, 2021 / 49,302 views

A husband and wife had just finished eating pancakes. To the wife's surprise, her husband walked back to the stove and started making more pancakes. Confused, his wife asked, "Honey, we just ate, why are you...

Mom Is Startled When Her Son Does Math Problems

January 21, 2021 / 49,393 views

Henry was doing math homework, saying to himself... "2+5, the son of a b*tch is 7" "3+6, the son of a b*tch is 9" His mother heard this and asked, "Henry! What is this nonsense you are...

The Crime Scene

November 24, 2020 / 32,987 views

It was a brutal crime and the local constables were stumped, so they called the on the brilliant detective for help. Arriving at the scene Sherlock noticed the carpet askew, the victim on the ground, a terrible wound on his head....

A German Tourist Rescues A Dog

November 05, 2020 / 41,707 views

A German tourist jumped into the freezing water to save my precious little dog who was drowning. After he climbed out of the water he handed me the dog and said: "Here is ze dog. Keep him warm and dry him off and he...

An Overweight Time Traveler Goes To Ancient Rome

October 02, 2020 / 42,485 views

An overweight time traveler goes to ancient Rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do...

LASIK Surgery

August 26, 2020 / 43,027 views

A man just finishes his LASIK eye surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery. "So, would you like the good news or the bad news first?" the surgeon says. The man excitedly replies,...

Am I Adopted?

August 12, 2020 / 68,721 views

Fred came home from college in tears. "Mom, am I adopted?" "No of course not," replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test...

A Group Of Kindergarteners Were Trying To Become Accustomed To The First Grade

July 08, 2020 / 42,966 views

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. "You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I...

I Was At The Hospital And Walked Into A Surgeon's Office

May 26, 2020 / 46,445 views

"Can I help you?" the surgeon asked. "I keep thinking that I’m a moth," I replied. "Well you probably want to see a psychiatrist for that," he said. "Yeah, I know,"...

A Man Has Been Drinking All Day At A Bar...

May 01, 2020 / 41,034 views

A man has been drinking all day at a local bar and checks his watch. "1:30am, rats. I need to go home now or my wife's going to kill me", he thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly on...

Measuring A Flagpole

April 10, 2020 / 38,958 views

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have...