Funny Clean Jokes

A Genie Says 'You Have 3 Wishes'

April 26, 2018 / 4,214 views

A man finds an ancient oil lamp and out comes an all powerful genie. Genie: "You have 3 wishes." Man: "I don't know, I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will...

A Mexican Man Who Speaks No English Tries To Buy Socks

April 16, 2018 / 4,299 views

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man. "I...

A Magic Trick In A Pastry Shop

March 26, 2018 / 6,523 views

Two broke and hungry best friends, Dave and John, go to a pastry shop. Dave suddenly whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice. He says to John, "See how clever I am?...

A Man Asks For A Free Drink If He Can Prove His Dog Can Talk

March 06, 2018 / 9,948 views

A man walks into a bar with his dog. "This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?" he asks. "You can have one on the house," the bartender says. The...

An Uber Passenger Taps The Driver On The Shoulder

February 15, 2018 / 10,966 views

An Uber passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second...

A Student Gets In Trouble And Tells The Principal His Name

February 02, 2018 / 13,866 views

A student got in trouble during class and was sent to the principal's office for the first time. The principal says to him, "What's your name, son?" The student replies: "T-T-T-on-on-on-tony,...

A Man Obsessed With Statistics Is Afraid To Fly

January 18, 2018 / 12,046 views

John lives his life by statistics and is afraid to fly. One day his friend, Bill, asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?" "Irrational?" John replies, "Not at all. I've merely...

Buy A Tie

January 08, 2018 / 10,853 views

A fleeing Taliban fighter desperate for water was lost in the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards ‘the object' only to find a little old Jewish man at...

A Woman Is Out Golfing And Finds A Frog Trapped In The Woods

December 18, 2017 / 17,468 views

A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...

A Woman Is Shopping For A Thanksgiving Turkey

November 27, 2017 / 17,162 views

A woman drove to the local grocery store to buy a turkey to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. She was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her entire family. So, she asked a...

A Frog Visits A Fortune Teller

November 10, 2017 / 16,986 views

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love. The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The...

Guy Takes His Blonde Girlfriend To Her First Football Game

November 10, 2017 / 13,930 views

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big...

A Guy Walks Into A Restaurant With A Full-Grown Ostrich Behind Him...

November 02, 2017 / 14,224 views

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time...

Hunting, Fishing, And Drinking

October 20, 2017 / 10,737 views

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you...

Einstein Had To Speak At An Important Science Conference

September 23, 2017 / 10,642 views

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!" The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I...

2 Cats + 2 Cats + 2 Cats

August 26, 2017 / 13,602 views

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and...

Two 90-Year-Old Men, Mike And Joe, Have Been Lifelong Friends

August 16, 2017 / 12,860 views

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to...

A Woman Is Having A Heart Attack And Meets God

August 07, 2017 / 35,698 views

A woman has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God. "Will I die?" she asked. "No," God replied, "You will live for another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days." At this...

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