Funny Clean Jokes

A Woman Is Out Golfing And Finds A Frog Trapped In The Woods

December 18, 2017 / 83,216 views

A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...

A Woman Is Shopping For A Thanksgiving Turkey

November 27, 2017 / 64,366 views

A woman drove to the local grocery store to buy a turkey to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. She was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her entire family. So, she asked a...

A Frog Visits A Fortune Teller

November 10, 2017 / 58,579 views

A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love. The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The...

Guy Takes His Blonde Girlfriend To Her First Football Game

November 10, 2017 / 69,640 views

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big...

A Guy Walks Into A Restaurant With A Full-Grown Ostrich Behind Him...

November 02, 2017 / 69,192 views

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time...

Hunting, Fishing, And Drinking

October 20, 2017 / 45,163 views

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you...

Einstein Had To Speak At An Important Science Conference

September 23, 2017 / 50,738 views

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!" The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I...

2 Cats + 2 Cats + 2 Cats

August 26, 2017 / 78,864 views

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and...

Two 90-Year-Old Men, Mike And Joe, Have Been Lifelong Friends

August 16, 2017 / 98,414 views

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to...

A Woman Is Having A Heart Attack And Meets God

August 07, 2017 / 85,570 views

A woman has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God. "Will I die?" she asked. "No," God replied, "You will live for another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days." At this...

The Handsome Man With A Wooden Eye

August 01, 2017 / 53,930 views

A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident. The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye. The man becomes very depressed because...

There's A Little-Known Legend About Attila The Hun

July 26, 2017 / 55,730 views

The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with...

A Man Takes His Cross-Eyed Dog To The Vet

July 20, 2017 / 71,314 views

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" the man asks. "Well I'm not sure," said the vet, "let's have a look at...

58 Funny Puns You Can't Wait To Use

July 14, 2017 / 818,221 views

1. How do you throw a space party? You planet. 2. How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars. 3. Nope. Unintended. 4. The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf...

A Young Weasel Walks Into A Bar...

June 24, 2017 / 51,523 views

A 14-year-old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel. "Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer." "Oh...

Chicken Surprise

June 09, 2017 / 45,058 views

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly...

The World's Longest Memory

June 05, 2017 / 39,364 views

A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory". The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this...

11 Minutes

May 19, 2017 / 49,607 views

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover's spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look....