Funny Clean Jokes

A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife
April 10, 2023 / 30,950 views
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. She explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the...

A Woman Was 3 Months Pregnant When She Fell Into A Deep Coma
February 09, 2023 / 55,777 views
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months. The woman asked the doctor about her baby. Doctor: "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your...

Everyone Asked A 100-Year-Old Man And His 98-Year-Old Wife For Their Health Secrets
January 23, 2023 / 25,640 views
The old man said: "I'll tell you my secret. I've been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometres. So I've been walking 5 kilometres...

A Woman Has Twin Boys And Gives Them Up For Adoption
December 08, 2022 / 26,540 views
The first goes to a family in Egypt, which names him Ahmal. The second goes to a family in Spain, which names him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Excited at receiving the...

My Favorite Vampire
October 11, 2022 / 29,976 views
My wife asked me who my favorite vampire is. I replied, "The one from Sesame Street." She said, "He doesn't count." I replied, "Oh I assure you, he...

The Husband Super Store
September 12, 2022 / 26,346 views
Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you...

Finally, A Blonde Joke I Haven't Heard Before…
June 20, 2022 / 33,575 views
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball. She takes pity on him...

On The First Day, God Created The Dog...
May 24, 2022 / 80,036 views
God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only...

As A Butcher Is Shooing Away A Dog From His Shop, He Sees A $10 Bill And A Note In His Mouth
April 13, 2022 / 34,131 views
As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the...

A Chicken Goes Into The Library, Walks Up To The Librarian, And Says, 'Book'
March 21, 2022 / 35,586 views
The librarian says, "You want a book?" "Book." "Any book?" "Book." So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes...

From The Backwoods
March 03, 2022 / 28,685 views
Just before thanksgiving Jim and Eddie are out hunting for turkeys when Jim keels over and collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Eddie gets out his cell phone and calls the emergency...

I Was In A Long Queue At A Drive-Thru...
January 25, 2022 / 39,419 views
I was in a long queue at a drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid...

A Blind Man Walks Into A Hotel In Texas
January 04, 2022 / 33,588 views
He goes to the bar and hops up on a giant barstool. "Boy, this seat is massive!" he tells the bartender. The bartender tells him, "Everything's bigger in Texas!" He orders a beer and the...

A New Law
November 30, 2021 / 29,005 views
Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants...

The Old Man And The Forest
August 19, 2021 / 37,654 views
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting. He said, "Look at my...

9 Months Later!
June 22, 2021 / 40,511 views
John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the...

The Strongest Bartender
May 17, 2021 / 32,551 views
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who...

A Husband And Wife Just Finished Eating Pancakes
March 09, 2021 / 46,456 views
A husband and wife had just finished eating pancakes. To the wife's surprise, her husband walked back to the stove and started making more pancakes. Confused, his wife asked, "Honey, we just ate, why are you...
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