Funny Clean Jokes

Three Brothers Age 92, 94 And 96 Live Together
August 03, 2018 / 63,924 views
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He...

A Lion Spots A Lost Dog In The Jungle
July 23, 2018 / 70,966 views
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before". So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and...

The Shy Priest
June 28, 2018 / 46,893 views
A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much. As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence,...

Hot Dogs In America
May 30, 2018 / 58,856 views
Two immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in...

A Genie Says 'You Have 3 Wishes'
April 26, 2018 / 64,829 views
A man finds an ancient oil lamp and out comes an all powerful genie. Genie: "You have 3 wishes." Man: "I don't know, I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will...

A Mexican Man Who Speaks No English Tries To Buy Socks
April 16, 2018 / 82,311 views
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man. "I...

A Magic Trick In A Pastry Shop
March 26, 2018 / 60,128 views
Two broke and hungry best friends, Dave and John, go to a pastry shop. Dave suddenly whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice. He says to John, "See how clever I am?...

A Man Asks For A Free Drink If He Can Prove His Dog Can Talk
March 06, 2018 / 65,853 views
A man walks into a bar with his dog. "This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?" he asks. "You can have one on the house," the bartender says. The...

An Uber Passenger Taps The Driver On The Shoulder
February 15, 2018 / 51,316 views
An Uber passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second...

A Student Gets In Trouble And Tells The Principal His Name
February 02, 2018 / 52,956 views
A student got in trouble during class and was sent to the principal's office for the first time. The principal says to him, "What's your name, son?" The student replies: "T-T-T-on-on-on-tony,...

A Man Obsessed With Statistics Is Afraid To Fly
January 18, 2018 / 48,005 views
John lives his life by statistics and is afraid to fly. One day his friend, Bill, asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?" "Irrational?" John replies, "Not at all. I've merely...

Buy A Tie
January 08, 2018 / 51,105 views
A fleeing Taliban fighter desperate for water was lost in the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards ‘the object' only to find a little old Jewish man at...

A Woman Is Out Golfing And Finds A Frog Trapped In The Woods
December 18, 2017 / 74,897 views
A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...

A Woman Is Shopping For A Thanksgiving Turkey
November 27, 2017 / 61,442 views
A woman drove to the local grocery store to buy a turkey to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. She was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her entire family. So, she asked a...

A Frog Visits A Fortune Teller
November 10, 2017 / 55,869 views
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love. The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The...

Guy Takes His Blonde Girlfriend To Her First Football Game
November 10, 2017 / 66,908 views
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big...

A Guy Walks Into A Restaurant With A Full-Grown Ostrich Behind Him...
November 02, 2017 / 66,101 views
The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time...

Hunting, Fishing, And Drinking
October 20, 2017 / 42,515 views
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you...
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