Funny Clean Jokes

Two Guys Both Lose Their Wives In A Grocery Store

November 13, 2014 / 24,939 views

Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around the grocery store when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to...

Two Sisters Inherit The Family Farm

November 04, 2014 / 19,073 views

There are two sisters. One is blonde and the other is brunette and they inherit the family farm. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm,...

A Monkey Starts Insulting A Lion

October 29, 2014 / 22,081 views

A lion and lioness are sitting in their den, when a monkey climbs up a nearby tree and starts insulting the mighty lion. The lioness starts to get angry and says, "King of the jungle, how dare you allow this puny monkey to...

A Homeless Man Knocks On A Woman's Door

October 20, 2014 / 15,270 views

A homeless man knocks on a woman's door. "Think you could spare a few bucks? Maybe some food?" The woman thinks to herself for a few seconds, then says, "You could do some handy work around here....

The Deaf Wife Problem

October 13, 2014 / 14,524 views

Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is...

A Husband And Wife Go Golfing

October 01, 2014 / 14,716 views

A husband and wife who are avid golfers have been happily married for 30 years, and on the day of their 30th anniversary they enjoy a wonderful day together. They have a delicious breakfast in bed, then proceed to one of their favorite golf...

The Human-like Gorilla

September 23, 2014 / 18,012 views

A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they cannot afford to go a day without it....

There Was A Shipwreck, And Only Scarlett Johansson And Some Random Guy Survived On A Deserted Island

September 17, 2014 / 16,652 views

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was. At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she...

A Husband And Wife Go To Counseling After 30 Years Of Marriage

September 09, 2014 / 27,223 views

After 30 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and on: neglect,...

A Blind Man Sits At A Bar, Wants To Tell A Blonde Joke

September 04, 2014 / 25,366 views

A blind man sits down at the bar and figures he'll break the ice with the bartender by asking "Wanna hear a blond joke?" In a hushed voice, a man beside him says "Before you tell that joke, you should know our...

A Woman Is Cooking Eggs In The Kitchen When Her Husband Comes Running In

August 25, 2014 / 19,892 views

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in. Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. "Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!" The wife, startled at her...

A Fire Started In A Chemical Plant

August 18, 2014 / 22,203 views

One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and before you could snap your fingers it exploded into flames and the alarm went out to the volunteer fire departments from miles around. When the...

The 80 Year-Old Man And His Beautiful Young Bride

August 13, 2014 / 23,054 views

An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup, and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got a 20 year old bride who's pregnant, and having my...

An Old Couple Is Having Trouble Remembering Things

August 06, 2014 / 28,995 views

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that...

Getting Married In Heaven

July 29, 2014 / 11,842 views

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could...

Jack Wakes Up With A Huge Hangover And A Happy Wife

July 24, 2014 / 26,015 views

A married man, Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after a night out drinking with the boys. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Jack had to force himself...

A Man Wakes Up One Morning To Find A Gorilla On His Roof

July 14, 2014 / 19,149 views

So he looks up the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Gorilla Removers". He calls the number, and the gorilla remover says he"ll be there in 30 minutes. The gorilla remover arrives and gets out of...

An Old Jewish Man On His Death Bed Says To His Wife...

July 09, 2014 / 16,623 views

On his death bed, an old Jewish man says to his wife... "Oh, Sarah, when the shop burned down you were right beside me, no?" "Sure I was Moshe," his wife replied. "When the Nazis drove...