Funny Clean Jokes
A Man Is Dying In The Hospital
February 21, 2024 / 2,152 views
He's surrounded by his two sons, his daughter, his wife, and a nurse. He turns to his family and says: "Peter, my eldest, I leave you the villas in Beverly Hills. Samantha, my beautiful daughter, to you I give the...
Asking A 100-Year-Old Man For His Health Secrets
January 05, 2024 / 4,259 views
Everyone asked a 100-year-old man and his 98-year-old wife for their health secrets. The old man said, "I'll tell you my secret. I've been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we...
A Pencil Can't Catch A Break
November 30, 2023 / 4,546 views
Once upon a time, there was a pencil who couldn't catch a break. No matter how hard it tried, it kept rolling off the desk. Over and over again it would find itself on the dirty floor. Frustrated, the pencil turned to...
A Girl And A Boy Are Locked Out Of Their House
October 12, 2023 / 6,252 views
A sister and brother are locked out of their house. They can't find any way in, so the girl leans forward and starts talking to the front door lock. "Hey door lock you're looking nice today, why don't you...
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by...
August 08, 2023 / 8,082 views
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cab driver says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cab Driver: "Frank...
Three Boys Go Into A Haunted House
June 20, 2023 / 8,468 views
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops. They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly,...
A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife
April 10, 2023 / 10,020 views
Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. She explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the...
A Woman Was 3 Months Pregnant When She Fell Into A Deep Coma
February 09, 2023 / 10,435 views
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months. The woman asked the doctor about her baby. Doctor: "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your...
Everyone Asked A 100-Year-Old Man And His 98-Year-Old Wife For Their Health Secrets
January 23, 2023 / 12,247 views
The old man said: "I'll tell you my secret. I've been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometres. So I've been walking 5 kilometres...
A Woman Has Twin Boys And Gives Them Up For Adoption
December 08, 2022 / 9,889 views
The first goes to a family in Egypt, which names him Ahmal. The second goes to a family in Spain, which names him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Excited at receiving the...
My Favorite Vampire
October 11, 2022 / 10,523 views
My wife asked me who my favorite vampire is. I replied, "The one from Sesame Street." She said, "He doesn't count." I replied, "Oh I assure you, he...
The Husband Super Store
September 12, 2022 / 13,966 views
Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you...
Finally, A Blonde Joke I Haven't Heard Beforeā¦
June 20, 2022 / 16,170 views
A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball. She takes pity on him...
On The First Day, God Created The Dog...
May 24, 2022 / 32,354 views
God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only...
As A Butcher Is Shooing Away A Dog From His Shop, He Sees A $10 Bill And A Note In His Mouth
April 13, 2022 / 16,934 views
As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the...
A Chicken Goes Into The Library, Walks Up To The Librarian, And Says, 'Book'
March 21, 2022 / 19,526 views
The librarian says, "You want a book?" "Book." "Any book?" "Book." So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes...
From The Backwoods
March 03, 2022 / 14,893 views
Just before thanksgiving Jim and Eddie are out hunting for turkeys when Jim keels over and collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Eddie gets out his cell phone and calls the emergency...
I Was In A Long Queue At A Drive-Thru...
January 25, 2022 / 27,390 views
I was in a long queue at a drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid...
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