Funny Clean Jokes

The Crime Scene

November 24, 2020 / 354 views

It was a brutal crime and the local constables were stumped, so they called the on the brilliant detective for help. Arriving at the scene Sherlock noticed the carpet askew, the victim on the ground, a terrible wound on his head....

A German Tourist Rescues A Dog

November 05, 2020 / 1,799 views

A German tourist jumped into the freezing water to save my precious little dog who was drowning. After he climbed out of the water he handed me the dog and said: "Here is ze dog. Keep him warm and dry him off and he...

An Overweight Time Traveler Goes To Ancient Rome

October 02, 2020 / 3,422 views

An overweight time traveler goes to ancient Rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do...

LASIK Surgery

August 26, 2020 / 5,405 views

A man just finishes his LASIK eye surgery and his surgeon leads him in his office to discuss the surgery. "So, would you like the good news or the bad news first?" the surgeon says. The man excitedly replies,...

Am I Adopted?

August 12, 2020 / 6,059 views

Fred came home from college in tears. "Mom, am I adopted?" "No of course not," replied his mother. "Why would you think such a thing?" Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test...

A Group Of Kindergarteners Were Trying To Become Accustomed To The First Grade

July 08, 2020 / 7,411 views

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk. "You need to use 'big people' words," she'd always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I...

I Was At The Hospital And Walked Into A Surgeon's Office

May 26, 2020 / 8,892 views

"Can I help you?" the surgeon asked. "I keep thinking that I’m a moth," I replied. "Well you probably want to see a psychiatrist for that," he said. "Yeah, I know,"...

A Man Has Been Drinking All Day At A Bar...

May 01, 2020 / 9,919 views

A man has been drinking all day at a local bar and checks his watch. "1:30am, rats. I need to go home now or my wife's going to kill me", he thinks to himself. But as he's trying to get up, he falls awkwardly on...

Measuring A Flagpole

April 10, 2020 / 9,941 views

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have...

Seniors Stand In Line For The Grocery Store

March 30, 2020 / 10,100 views

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 am for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot...

A Great Joke To Explain Why People Are Stocking Up On Necessities

March 14, 2020 / 11,262 views

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at...

A London Lawyer Runs A Stop Sign And Gets Pulled Over By An Irish Cop

February 18, 2020 / 10,141 views

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's...

This Might Be The Best Dad Joke Of The Year

January 23, 2020 / 13,715 views

A father wanted to prove that he's not just some boring house Dad so he went and got his first tattoo. When he got home he excitedly showed it off to his wife and kids. "Oh, cool! It's.. uhh?" his wife...

Boy Aged 4: Dad, I've Decided To Get Married

January 08, 2020 / 11,900 views

Dad: Wonderful. Do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes... grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too....and she's the best cook and story teller in the whole world! Dad: That's nice, but we have a small...

The Three Wise Men Wearing Firemen's Helmets

December 13, 2019 / 9,876 views

In a small Southern town, there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to...

Jesus Is Down By The Gates To Heaven...

November 05, 2019 / 12,132 views

When an old man approaches. "Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Jesus asks. "To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great....

A Fly Feels A Bug On Its Back

September 11, 2019 / 13,824 views

A fly feels a bug on its back. "Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?" the fly asks. "I mite be," giggles the mite. "That's the worst pun I've ever heard," groans the...

A Girl Named Darling

August 13, 2019 / 18,254 views

A girl named Darling had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing at school. Eventually, she overcame her hang-up and married her high-school sweetheart. When their first child was...

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