Funny Clean Jokes

Measuring A Flagpole

April 10, 2020 / 39,536 views

Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have...

Seniors Stand In Line For The Grocery Store

March 30, 2020 / 49,272 views

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8 am for seniors only. A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot...

A Great Joke To Explain Why People Are Stocking Up On Necessities

March 14, 2020 / 49,066 views

It was autumn, and the Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at...

A London Lawyer Runs A Stop Sign And Gets Pulled Over By An Irish Cop

February 18, 2020 / 45,395 views

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any Irish cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Irish cop's...

This Might Be The Best Dad Joke Of The Year

January 23, 2020 / 95,248 views

A father wanted to prove that he's not just some boring house Dad so he went and got his first tattoo. When he got home he excitedly showed it off to his wife and kids. "Oh, cool! It's.. uhh?" his wife...

Boy Aged 4: Dad, I've Decided To Get Married

January 08, 2020 / 55,555 views

Dad: Wonderful. Do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes... grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too....and she's the best cook and story teller in the whole world! Dad: That's nice, but we have a small...

The Three Wise Men Wearing Firemen's Helmets

December 13, 2019 / 45,868 views

In a small Southern town, there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets. Totally unable to...

Jesus Is Down By The Gates To Heaven...

November 05, 2019 / 58,288 views

When an old man approaches. "Well, what have you done to deserve entry to Heaven?" Jesus asks. "To be honest." replies the man, "I am merely a simple carpenter. It was my son who was truly great....

A Fly Feels A Bug On Its Back

September 11, 2019 / 53,960 views

A fly feels a bug on its back. "Hey, bug on my back, are you a mite?" the fly asks. "I mite be," giggles the mite. "That's the worst pun I've ever heard," groans the...

A Girl Named Darling

August 13, 2019 / 58,673 views

A girl named Darling had a particularly rough childhood because of her uncommon name. She always got a lot of teasing at school. Eventually, she overcame her hang-up and married her high-school sweetheart. When their first child was...

A Conversation With A Scammer

July 10, 2019 / 44,384 views

Me: "Hello." NOT-Microsoft support: "Hello. This is Bob Bobson from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity from your device." Me: "Oh no. My device? Are you...

A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates

June 13, 2019 / 47,382 views

St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes. For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. "Thank you," the ecstatic taxi driver said. Anticipating an even bigger...

Three Men Go To Hell And They're Pissed

May 22, 2019 / 50,890 views

"Surely we weren't that bad?" they ask themselves. "There has to be something we can do to get out of here." Satan suddenly appears and says "Oh, but there is! Withstand ten whippings from my trusty whip...

Are These Plates Clean?

April 18, 2019 / 47,831 views

A man went to visit his 90 year old grandfather. While eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he notices his plate isn't clean. So he says, "Grandfather, are these plates clean?" His grandfather...

Two Americans Go To Church In France

April 04, 2019 / 52,549 views

Two American men are touring Europe, and are scheduled to arrive in France Sunday afternoon. However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed. "Well," one says...

A Blonde Attempts A Jigsaw Puzzle

March 12, 2019 / 83,272 views

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's...

A Sales Rep, Administration Clerk, And Their Manager Find A Magical Lamp

February 18, 2019 / 51,950 views

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish" "Me first! Me...

A Policeman Is Interrogating 3 Men Who Are Training To Become Detectives

January 16, 2019 / 56,950 views

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guys a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" The first guy answers, "That's easy, we'll...