Funny Clean Jokes

Mom... Dad... I'm Gay

December 09, 2016 / 17,802 views

Son: "Mom, Dad... I'm gay." Mom: Stares at Dad. Dad: Clenches fist. Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely. Mom: "..." Dad: "HI GAY,...

I Hear You Are Extremely Quick At Math

December 02, 2016 / 21,198 views

Interviewer: "I heard you are extremely quick at math." Me: "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am." Interviewer: "Whats 14x27?" Me: "49." Interviewer:...

A Guy Sits Down In A Diner And Asks For A Bowl Of Hot Chili...

November 28, 2016 / 20,328 views

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that...

He Stayed Out All Weekend Without Contacting His Wife. Then He Gets Home...

November 14, 2016 / 20,111 views

Bob left work one Friday evening. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his friends and spending his entire wages. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he...

An Old Man Forgets His Name At The Pearly Gates

November 02, 2016 / 31,697 views

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book. Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help...

A Horse Is Sitting Home Watching MTV

October 20, 2016 / 24,185 views

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him....

A Man Hates His Wife's Cat, So He Decides To Get Rid Of It

October 16, 2016 / 24,764 views

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided...

A Linguistics Professor Is Lecturing His Class

October 10, 2016 / 18,991 views

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there...

A Huge Muscular Guy Walks Into A Department Store

September 27, 2016 / 17,362 views

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says...

A Guy Walks Into A Bar In West Virginia And Orders A White Wine

September 19, 2016 / 17,822 views

All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north. The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?" The guy says,...

A Woman Takes Her Limp Duck To The Vet

September 13, 2016 / 22,192 views

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said,...

80,000 Blondes Meet For A 'Blondes Are Not Stupid' Convention

August 30, 2016 / 20,208 views

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks...

A New Pastor Is Visiting Homes. This Home's Response Made His Day

August 22, 2016 / 20,560 views

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a business card, wrote 'Revelation 3:20'...

My Boss Was Honest With Me Today

August 16, 2016 / 17,428 views

My boss pulled up to work with his sweet new sports car this morning and I complimented him on it. He stepped out of his car, put his hand on my shoulder and replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put...

The Difference Between Before/After Getting Hired

August 08, 2016 / 16,122 views

When Timmy went in for an interview at ABC company, he was hired after a very brief interview. A little skeptical at first, Timmy asked the company representative a few questions. It went like this: ABC: Trust me, this...

On His 70th Birthday, He Received A Gift Certificate From His Wife

July 29, 2016 / 17,309 views

**This joke is for adults The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded to go, he drove...

A Jewish Man Sends His Son To Israel To Live There For A While

July 22, 2016 / 17,806 views

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend. The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says,...

She Has To Go To Italy For A Conference And Asks Her Husband If He Wants Anything

July 22, 2016 / 19,190 views

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. "Thank you, honey", she says. "What would you like me to bring back for you?" He laughs and says,...