Funny Clean Jokes

A Horse Is Sitting Home Watching MTV

October 20, 2016 / 23,690 views

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him....

A Man Hates His Wife's Cat, So He Decides To Get Rid Of It

October 16, 2016 / 24,313 views

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided...

A Linguistics Professor Is Lecturing His Class

October 10, 2016 / 18,581 views

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there...

A Huge Muscular Guy Walks Into A Department Store

September 27, 2016 / 16,996 views

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says...

A Guy Walks Into A Bar In West Virginia And Orders A White Wine

September 19, 2016 / 17,429 views

All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up from their beer and whiskey, expecting to see some pitiful Yankee from the north. The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?" The guy says,...

A Woman Takes Her Limp Duck To The Vet

September 13, 2016 / 21,735 views

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said,...

80,000 Blondes Meet For A 'Blondes Are Not Stupid' Convention

August 30, 2016 / 19,768 views

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks...

A New Pastor Is Visiting Homes. This Home's Response Made His Day

August 22, 2016 / 20,125 views

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. He took out a business card, wrote 'Revelation 3:20'...

My Boss Was Honest With Me Today

August 16, 2016 / 17,050 views

My boss pulled up to work with his sweet new sports car this morning and I complimented him on it. He stepped out of his car, put his hand on my shoulder and replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put...

The Difference Between Before/After Getting Hired

August 08, 2016 / 15,711 views

When Timmy went in for an interview at ABC company, he was hired after a very brief interview. A little skeptical at first, Timmy asked the company representative a few questions. It went like this: ABC: Trust me, this...

On His 70th Birthday, He Received A Gift Certificate From His Wife

July 29, 2016 / 16,904 views

**This joke is for adults The certificate paid for a visit to a medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a wonderful cure for erectile dysfunction. After being persuaded to go, he drove...

A Jewish Man Sends His Son To Israel To Live There For A While

July 22, 2016 / 17,292 views

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend. The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says,...

She Has To Go To Italy For A Conference And Asks Her Husband If He Wants Anything

July 22, 2016 / 18,894 views

A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. "Thank you, honey", she says. "What would you like me to bring back for you?" He laughs and says,...

Excuse Me Sir, How Much Have You Had to Drink Tonight?

July 22, 2016 / 18,412 views

A cop waited outside a popular pub hoping to nab a drunk-driver. At closing time, as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He...

Jesus Walks Into A Restaurant...

December 18, 2015 / 24,289 views

Jesus walks into a restaurant and says to the hostess, "A table for 26 please." Confused, the hostess does a quick head count, and says "But there are only 13 of you." Jesus replies, "Yes, but we...

He Landed A Job As A Walmart Greeter, But Only Lasted Two Hours. The Reason Why Is Priceless!

December 07, 2015 / 61,373 views

So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling...

An Old Man Gets An Urgent Phone Call From His Wife While Driving Home

December 01, 2015 / 23,836 views

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home. "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90. Please be careful!" Herman replied, "It's not...

I Ran Into An Old Friend Today

November 23, 2015 / 36,670 views

I bumped into an old school friend at the store today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports cars. Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a photo of his wife and said, "She's...