Funny Clean Jokes

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

February 18, 2026 / 1,167 views

Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend. The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back...

Four Brothers Left Home For College To Become A Lawyer, Doctor, Scientist And Entertainer

January 12, 2026 / 2,010 views

They all prospered and each one was able to give their elderly mother a special gift. Some years later, chatting after a wonderful dinner, they discussed the gifts that they gave their dear mother. The first said, "I...

A Calvinist Walks Into Heaven — And The Angels Have Some Questions

December 22, 2025 / 2,438 views

A Calvinist arrives at the gates of Heaven to and sees two lines to enter: "Predestination," and "Free Will." Naturally, he heads to the predestination line, where an angel stops him and asks him why he's...

In Soviet Russia, An American Spy Tries To Blend In

November 12, 2025 / 3,302 views

George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He...

A Huge Muscular Man With A Bad Stutter Walks Into A Store

October 09, 2025 / 4,843 views

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter walks up to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?" The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says...

A Rat Plays The Blues In A Bar

August 06, 2025 / 17,457 views

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “If I show you a wild trick, will you give me a free drink?” The bartender shrugs, “Sure, why not?” The guy reaches into his pocket and pulls...

Italian Worker Has To Pass A Math Test

June 25, 2025 / 18,240 views

An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number...

A Doctor And A Lawyer Are Having Lunch At A Local Diner

May 07, 2025 / 18,881 views

A woman interrupts their conversation to ask the doctor some sort of medical advice. The doctor tells her what he can then sends her on her way, then turns back to the lawyer. “Man, I get so tired of people bugging me for...

A Blonde And A Lawyer Are Seated Next To Each Other On A Flight

March 17, 2025 / 20,525 views

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to...

A Dog Asks For A Job

February 20, 2025 / 19,894 views

A dog walks into an employment agency and, in perfect English, says, "Excuse me, I need a job." The receptionist, stunned, replies, "Wait a second… you're a talking dog?! This is incredible! With a talent...

A Blonde Is Overweight, So The Doctor Puts Her On A Diet

January 10, 2025 / 20,645 views

A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks," the doctor said. "The next time I see you, you’ll...

A Man With No Arms Asks To Ring The Steeple Bell

November 15, 2024 / 24,835 views

A priest is in his church, placing prayer books among the pews when a man with no arms walks inside.   The priest say, "Can I help you my son?"   The man says,...

Superman's Dog

October 31, 2024 / 22,119 views

Superman calls to Lois Lane, "Lois, come in here for a second! I want you to see something." Lois hurries into the room and says, "What is it?" Superman points across the room at their dog, whom he has...

Greatest Invention Ever

September 20, 2024 / 24,509 views

So this TV station reporter was interviewing a 103 year old guy known as the "oldest person in the County". Among other things, she asked him what he thought was the "Greatest Invention" of his lifetime. He says,...

My Son Came Home From School Today And Asked Me

August 16, 2024 / 24,548 views

"Dad, what kind of mouse can walk on 2 legs?" "Hmm, I don't know," I replied. "Mickey Mouse!" he replied, laughing. "Dad, what kind of duck can walk on 2 legs?" he...

A Blonde, A Redhead And A Brunette Are Having Lunch Together

July 11, 2024 / 25,485 views

The brunette opens her lunchbox and sighs: "My husband is so kind, he prepares my lunch every day but... Again a tuna sandwich?" The redhead opens hers and sighs too: "Crap, tuna sandwich for me too......

A Priest, A Pastor, And A Rabbit Walk Into A Blood Donation Clinic

June 03, 2024 / 30,102 views

A priest, a pastor, and a rabbit walked into a blood donation clinic. The nurse greeted them warmly and asked the priest, "What is your blood type, Father?" The priest replied, "I am a type...

Abe And Lucy Are Flying To Australia For A Two Week Vacation To Celebrate Their 40th Anniversary

April 23, 2024 / 27,229 views

Abe and lucy are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news....