Not Existing, Living!
By Robin Marvel • October 16, 2013
Life is made of choices. We have all heard this statement at one time or another during our journey of life. This is not just a saying to me it is my way of life. I learned at a very young age that our choices determine the successes that we achieve in our lives. You can not live in a state of blame in the present for the lifestyle you survived as a child. You have the opportunity to remove yourself from a victim to a victor and into the life you desire.
My childhood was peppered with physical, drug, emotional and mental abuse. I survived countless nights of watching my mom physically abused, parental kidnappings, homelessness and drug abuse as far back as I can remember. These experiences have given me the ambition to move towards success by living limitless. I refuse to repeat the cycle..
I would spend my nights tucked in a corner of our closet covered with anything I could find to avoid hearing the beating of my mother and a kidnapping that I knew was coming. Hiding never worked because my dad always found me and kidnapped me after he completed his battering of my mom until she couldn't fight back anymore. Although I was only a second grade child I vividly remember thinking how can a person keep enduring the abuse my mom chose to endure. Every night my mom and dad would meet up at the bar and I suppose it didn't help that we lived behind a bar, then my dad would follow my mom to our home and the fight would be on. It always led to the kidnapping of me and sleeping in a car so my mom and the police were unable to find us. At that time I realized the repetition in the choices that led to that same situation each night.
Eventually my mom did get the courage to leave my dad. But she continued the same cycle of abuse. She entertained many relationships that resulted in physical beatings in the front yard. As a young child I remember shoving my mom in ditches to prevent her from being run over by the abusive men in her life. This continued into the teen years of my life. Not only was I fighting the abusive lifestyle my mom chose but watched all the adults in my life abuse every kind of drug you can imagine. It was nothing to come home from school and see lines of coke on the table and piles of weed. Looking back I remember seeing them as so dependent on this drug. It gave me a reason to keep as far away from drugs as possible. So I am thankful to those that showed me the real results using drugs has on your life.
As a teen I was lacking the attention that so many teens need. I had no sense of self worth or self love. So I turned to alcohol and partying to validate that I was good enough. I quickly learned the repercussions of choices I was making. I was sexually assaulted at one point by a male friend and had to go through his prosecution, which was anything but easy especially in a small town. That wasn't enough to wake me up but it was quite the reality check when I became a mother at the age of 16.(Not a result of the sexual assault) Upon finding out I was having a girl I made the choice that we would not be a statistic, I knew I would have to work hard and I continue to work hard to make sure that is our truth. It is important to me that I am always a great role model for my 5 girls by living with self respect and determination.
I took those negative situations I was dealt in life and turned them into motivation and purpose. I am now a five times published author and motivational speaker in the field of self development. My passion is to use my story to show others that they are not a product of their past, to show them that even though we may face challenges we have the power to live the life of our dreams by breaking cycles and taking personal responsibility in our lives now. I am proof of this. My passion lies in using these unfortunate circumstances I lived as a child to encourage others to live a life of confidence and strength. Many people are faced with the same circumstances as I was and they are not sure about who they are.
I take personal responsibility for my life in the present. I do not place blame on anyone in my childhood. I look back on it and know I am a stronger person. I am often asked if I could change my childhood, would I? I am always quick to respond with a no. If I had to go through all of that to become the person I am today then it was worth it.
Today I make my choices for me and disregard the lifestyle I lived as a child. I have learned to treat my self with respect and honor and therefore influence and encourage the people in my life to do the same for themselves.
Making the choice to take life on in the drivers seat is up to you. It is easy to watch the world pass by while you are being a victim. Being a victim is the easy way out, removing that victim personality out of your life will give you the opportunity to see life from a whole new perspective. Each choice you make has an astounding effect of where you are and where you are going in this wonderful journey of life. I have made the choice to work hard and life a fantastic life full of opportunity. I am now the proud mother of five amazing daughters that defy all odds of a teen mother statistic. I am also living my dreams as a multi-published author and Motivational speaker in the field of self development!
No matter where you have been it is where you are going that really matters. Take the time today and everyday to live limitless.
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