A Love Story Never Finished, But Also Never Over.....
By Bluebluedude1 • April 29, 2015
What reminds me of you, well I might not now right now.
But that is because I haven't had enough of you in my mind
lately to remember that much. But all I remember is the
best times I have ever had in my life. The excitement I got
when I seen you. My heart beat increasing to a million.
But all I can remember is the best friend I have ever had.
The first to be there for me when I needed it the most.
When I was all alone and I never had this experience before.
Fear controlled me just as much as love and the rush I got.
All I can remember is the little things that I got myself.
I can never forget what you made me feel like. That is the
important part of it all. The beauty is not the thing that
made you my everything. The smile and the laugh is a big
part of it. But the most important of it all was you. You
opened up to me and never once pretended to be someone else.
And the fact that you let me be myself was even more perfect.
I remember the first time I looked at you differently.
We were at lunch and I was standing right in front of you,
I did it without thinking of it. You were sitting down and I
was standing directly in front of you. I gave you a good look
from top to bottom and I remember just not thinking of
anything except for you for the rest of the day. I didn't
look at you like you were sexy or anything. It was more of a look
of disbelief. The fact that I could be hanging out with
the most beautiful and funny and smart girl I have ever met
before who understood me for who I was. I didn't have to change
anything about myself.I can't believe that one thing made me
think of the rest of the things you were. You were my
everything, just too perfect.
I still have a hard time believing that you would fall for
a guy like me. And that is what made it so hard, I listened
to everyone else and let the fear settle in. Once that
happened I never took it to the next step. I never meant to
do what I did. I was always way to nervous and I had no
idea what to do with girls. I didn't even hug you when I
seen you before. And this was when I used to hang out with
you everyday, for like three months straight. But then
that one day I realized that I couldn't take it anymore.
So instead of letting you know how much I felt for you
I decided that it would be much easier not saying anything
to you and shortly after I realized that would not be the
case. That was the worse mistake I could have ever made. Not
only did it kill me inside, I know it killed you inside.
I know there is no way I could ever apologize to you. But
you know what you said is the best. I remember one of the
things you put on facebook. You said," For as much as you
blame yourself, you can't be blamed for the way that you
feel." And whether or not it had any context to what I
was talking about doesn't matter. Once I seen that it hit me
really hard and I didn't know what to do again. I have
always over thought things. I mean being smarter is good,
but I have hurt so many people that mean alot to me.
Such as you, the main reason I never asked you out or took
it to the next level is that I had no idea what I was
supposed to do when having a girlfriend. I had never had one
before and not only that, but you were a year and a half
older than me. Not only were you the first person that I had
as a real friend in highschool, you were also the first
girl I had really fallen in love with before. It was so weird
, I never thought that a girl who introduced herself by
talking about a bag of doritos I would fall in love w.ith her.
But then there you were. I didn't like you at first, I
thought you were cute, but I didn't have the same kind of
feelings for you until about two weeks into school starting.
I don't know what happened, whether it was your personality.
your laugh, your smile, your brains, or you being beautiful,
but all I know is that I would not take back meeting you for
the world. If you don't understand how much of a difference
you have made in my life I can tell you just a few things
you effected me with. You taught me way more social skills.
I could barely talk to people more or less really cute girls
such as yourself. You also taught me how to be myself.
I mean I could go on forever, but I know it is not just about
the way I felt. I have no idea what I did to your heart, but
I could tell that you were in alot of pain. I never meant for
anything like that to happen. All just because of fear. I
ruined the chances of being with the girl of my dreams just
because I could not stand to take any risks. But the thing
that hurts me the most was seeing you hurt. I never thought
I could do that to anyone, more or less the person I cared
the most about. The person I still care about the most.
I might never see you again after highschool, hell I might
never see you again next year. But I do still care, and
whether or not our lives split I still care. You were there
for me and I can never forget that. I hope when I am old and
on the death bed I remember who you were, just for a second
or two. Not to remember any of those things I mentioned. But
to remember what you were to me when no one was, what you
have always been to me, no matter what I was putting you
through, you were always a great friend and you were always
there for me. And that is the most important thing I will
remember about you. That is the number one thing I teach
myself and try to get from each other. It means a million
times more to be there for someone than money could ever
pay for. And that is the one last thing I have to say. I
didn't know that lesson until after I messed up with you.
I had been there for you that whole time and when a little
fear had came to me I was crushed. I didn't know whether or
you were worth risking the friendship I had to build up with
you if you said no. I know you would have said yes. But the
only issue being that I couldn't get the what if past me.
What if has killed off alot of opportunities I would have had
for myself. I mean that is one of the things that hurts alot
of people in our lives. That is easily one of the biggest
things I can say I looked up to from. You weren't afraid to
tell me how you feel. I mean I could tell you it took you
a while to say anything. But I would have never said
anything if it weren't for you. You opened my world. I
remember that moment like it was yesterday, you gave it
your all. And I could never blame you for anything that
happened. I think that is one of the biggest weaknesses of
guys. Even though alot of us have excuses for everything,
including myself. Any time something happens and it is a big
deal we spend all of our time blaming ourselves. Instead of
trying to fix the problem that was created. Or the other
thing that will always be true, doing something stupid once
is a mistake, but doing the same stupid thing twice is no
longer is a mistake, it is stupidity. I have made alot of
mistakes in my life, but I have learned so much from them. I
have learned that the real world is not so friendly. That
is why you have been and always will be in my heart. Whether
it be for love or for friendship. That is all I ask from my
friends, is to be there and to give respect to each other.
Being there is the most important thing I have failed to do
many times because I was afraid of what other people might
say. Or because of what other people have said to me.
I probably will go on forever with this. But none of this
would have ever happened if it wasn't for you being an
amazing person and just being plain beautiful. I remember
that one day when we were sitting there at lunch and we
hadn't said anything the whole lunch. I was terrified to say
anything, but I know I should have said something. And I did
not get lunch because I had butterflies for days in my
stomach. I just could not eat when I was around you. It made
me sick to my stomach. Easily the most nervous I had ever
been until that part of my life. But than you went ahead and
said something. Something I never thought that the girl
I thought was the dream girl I had been waiting for would say
. It went something like this, not an exact quote but here it
goes.You said," What kind of girls do you like?" and then I
said, " Wait, what, why ?" and "I don't know." Or something like that
I was super curious and didn't know what I was going to hear
next. But then you said something that was going to make me
never forget that conversation ever. You said," What about
a girl like me?" And then that is when I blushed super red
and I said yes. Or something like that. I remember not
knowing what to say or what to do. It was just me being
embarrased. I was super excited, but super shocked. And me
being ignorant having no idea what to do, I thought the rest
would happen naturally. Which it did until when I realized it
was my turn to take it to the next level. And when that came
I was so scared because I had no idea of what to do.
I had little social experience because I went to the
leadership training school from sixth to eighth. And I wasn't
exactly in my prime either and the hormones just started to
hit me. But I could not blame anything for the things I
messed up on. Those same things that had blocked me from
being who I wanted to be. The things that would have brought
me closer to us being we. But as I said earlier I would
rather die than forget the times I had with you. Just because
of everything you taught me, that is not even including the
best time I have ever had in my life. I remember being mad
in love with you for some reason. I say that as I don't know
why I fell in love with you or something. But being with you
was the best thing that had ever happened to me. And it is
not like I didn't try anything else when I messed up. But
none of those other girls had what you had. You personality.
There are a million "beautiful" girls in this world. And this
is not just something I wrote because I missed you. I have
thought this since the day I realized I messed up. If you
want someone who could say whether or not any of these things
were true just ask GIO. He was definitely my go to guy and
I assume you know that. I know he used to say things to you,
and that made me even more nervous. He only recently admitted
to me that he was saying things to you. Maybe only once or
something. But it doesn't matter. He was just trying to help
me. But all the help in the world couldn't change what I
did and what I have done. But the thing I will never forget
is how you gave me a chance when no one else did. And
you liked me for my weirdness, just like how I loved you
for your personality. That is what makes me still attracted
to you this day. I mean you are a beautiful girl and I still
think you are as close to perfect as possible. But the main
thing is you are real. And one more thing, whether it be in
friendship or in relationship, I don't care, I love you...
..................................... The best 2230 words
I have ever wrote ever.
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