Funny Clean Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson Go Camping
February 27, 2013 / 186,726 views
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson,...

The Bathtub Test for Insanity
February 22, 2013 / 34,142 views
During a visit to the local mental institute, John asked the Director during a tour how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "It's simple actually," said the Director. "We fill up a...

The intelligence game
February 14, 2013 / 12,331 views
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde...

An Engineer accidentally goes to Hell instead of Heaven
January 30, 2013 / 34,057 views
An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People...

How to find out who your best friend is
January 25, 2013 / 11,418 views
Here is a simple 3 step method to find out who your best friend REALLY is! This method will work, but one person might be a little mad at you for a while... 3 STEP PLAN Step 1: Lock both your spouse and...

Football in Heaven
January 15, 2013 / 13,069 views
Tom and Matt were best of friends, they played football every single week for nearly 50 years. As they were getting older, they had an argument about whether people play football in heaven. So they agreed that whoever...

The 3 Day Fight
January 08, 2013 / 12,930 views
Our anniversary was coming up, so my wife was hinting about what she wanted. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds." So I bought her a scale. And then the fight...

The Amazing Pig with a Peg Leg
January 04, 2013 / 28,342 views
Two farmers, John and Henry, were sitting around talking about their day when John notices a pig with a wooden leg hobbling across the front yard. He turned to his friend and asks, "Henry, why does that pig have a wooden...

Getting into the pub with your dog
January 02, 2013 / 14,365 views
Two guys were out walking their dogs on a hot day, when they pass by a pub. Mike looks at his friend John and says “Let’s go in there for a quick drink.” John replies with, “They won’t let us...

Frog wants a loan from the bank
December 27, 2012 / 94,438 views
A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and...

A Pirate walked into a bar
December 24, 2012 / 14,315 views
A pirate walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. The bartender asked, "Gee you look awful, are you feeling okay?" "I feel fine, why do you ask?," said the pirate. "Well your leg...

Arguing with children can be risky
December 23, 2012 / 41,110 views
test ...

How to get free drinks at the bar
December 21, 2012 / 40,302 views
A man walks in a bar and the bartender asks, "What'll you have?" The man answers, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says, "That'll be five...

Starting Salary
December 20, 2012 / 42,920 views
Reaching the end of an extensive job interview, the HR person asked a young Engineer fresh out of college, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The engineering graduate said, "In the range of $100,000 -...

Only one kiss per yard
December 20, 2012 / 44,490 views
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, "I would like to buy this material for my new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the male clerk with a...

I have perfect eyesight
December 20, 2012 / 44,907 views
Norman is 89 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement over 20 years ago. One day he arrives home upset. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight is so bad that once I hit the ball I can't see where the...

Magic Number 5
December 20, 2012 / 62,943 views
I was walking down the street the other day when I saw my best friend Jeff. I walked up to him and mentioned that I had the craziest dream the other night. Jeff listened as I told him that the dream consisted of just one thing. A huge glowing...

Dividing Souls
December 20, 2012 / 57,250 views
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 'One for you,...
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