Funny Clean Jokes

A Married Couple Went To The Hospital To Have Their Baby Delivered...

January 31, 2014 / 12,331 views

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to...

Drunk Jesus

January 23, 2014 / 13,474 views

A priest is walking down the street and runs into a homeless looking drunk outside a bar. The stumbling man claimed to be Jesus. The priest disagreed and tried to continue but the man insisted he was Jesus. Finally, the...

A Truck Driver's Duty

January 17, 2014 / 12,835 views

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his...

A Penguin Took His Car To The Shop

January 13, 2014 / 24,337 views

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said it'll be about an hour so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream...

A Blonde Woman Was Speeding

January 07, 2014 / 20,175 views

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse...

We Need A New Cuckoo Clock

December 30, 2013 / 18,189 views

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3AM, a bit loaded, I headed...

His Son Got A Part In The School Play

December 26, 2013 / 12,936 views

Billy's father picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the acting roles for the school play were being posted that day, he asked Billy if he got a part. Billy enthusiastically announced that...

A Father Is Nervously Waiting For His Child To Be Born

December 20, 2013 / 13,814 views

A father is waiting for his kid to be born in the hospital. He's super nervous, pacing back and forth, cigars in his breast pocket ready to go. After what seems like a several days, a doctor finally walks into the waiting room and asks...

Who Says Men Don't Remember

December 13, 2013 / 19,004 views

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a...

Deaf Mafia Bookkeeper

December 11, 2013 / 13,838 views

A mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place. The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could...

My Dad Asked My Younger Sister To Get The Meat Out The Freezer

December 07, 2013 / 12,770 views

Today while making dinner with the entire family, my dad asked my younger sister to get the meat out the freezer above the fridge. My sister opens the fridge and is on her toes to reach the meat. You can hear the determination in her exhales...

A Man, A Sheep, And A Dog Are Stranded On An Island

December 03, 2013 / 17,728 views

A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular...

A Lawyer Spots Two Men Eating Grass On The Side Of The Road

November 27, 2013 / 17,694 views

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating...

Does Jesus Visit Mars?

November 16, 2013 / 15,091 views

Aliens came to Earth from Mars and they turned out to be quite friendly. All the countries in the world agreed that they would send the Pope to talk with the alien leaders. The Pope walked up to the spaceship, greeted by a few...

Her Husbands New Face

November 13, 2013 / 13,544 views

A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burned. The doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny. So the wife offered to donate some of her own...

Whatever You Do, Don't Step On A Duck

November 08, 2013 / 36,964 views

Three men approached the gates of heaven where they were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. "Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: DO NOT step on a duck." "I'm sorry....

A Genie Lamp with a Twist

November 02, 2013 / 14,957 views

A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lamp. Thinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "I am an all and powerful genie. You get three wishes,...

The Miracles of Modern Medicine

October 23, 2013 / 13,351 views

Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work. He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and it chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An...