Funny Clean Jokes

A Lawyer Just Bought A New Sports Car

February 28, 2014 / 11,814 views

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right...

Getting A Hair Dryer Through Customs

February 21, 2014 / 13,280 views

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair...

Reincarnated As A Chicken

February 14, 2014 / 25,340 views

Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he's been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife. Later, he's woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to....

Jack Wants To Go Golfing

February 11, 2014 / 13,238 views

Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go,...

The Captain's Parrot And The Magician

February 04, 2014 / 30,774 views

A magician was working on a cruise ship. Since the audience was different each week, the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to...

A Married Couple Went To The Hospital To Have Their Baby Delivered...

January 31, 2014 / 13,098 views

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to...

Drunk Jesus

January 23, 2014 / 14,321 views

A priest is walking down the street and runs into a homeless looking drunk outside a bar. The stumbling man claimed to be Jesus. The priest disagreed and tried to continue but the man insisted he was Jesus. Finally, the...

A Truck Driver's Duty

January 17, 2014 / 13,723 views

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his...

A Penguin Took His Car To The Shop

January 13, 2014 / 25,342 views

A penguin was driving along when he smelled something burning. He took his car to a mechanic to get it checked out. The mechanic said it'll be about an hour so the penguin went walking around town. He stopped at an ice cream...

A Blonde Woman Was Speeding

January 07, 2014 / 21,109 views

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a female police officer, who was also a blonde. The officer asked to see the lady's driver's license. She dug through her purse...

We Need A New Cuckoo Clock

December 30, 2013 / 19,230 views

The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight. Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3AM, a bit loaded, I headed...

His Son Got A Part In The School Play

December 26, 2013 / 13,675 views

Billy's father picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the acting roles for the school play were being posted that day, he asked Billy if he got a part. Billy enthusiastically announced that...

A Father Is Nervously Waiting For His Child To Be Born

December 20, 2013 / 14,751 views

A father is waiting for his kid to be born in the hospital. He's super nervous, pacing back and forth, cigars in his breast pocket ready to go. After what seems like a several days, a doctor finally walks into the waiting room and asks...

Who Says Men Don't Remember

December 13, 2013 / 19,797 views

A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed , and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a...

Deaf Mafia Bookkeeper

December 11, 2013 / 14,596 views

A mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper of 20 years, Guido, has cheated him out of $10 million. Guido is deaf which is why he got the job in the first place. The Godfather assumed that since Guido could not hear anything, he could...

My Dad Asked My Younger Sister To Get The Meat Out The Freezer

December 07, 2013 / 13,443 views

Today while making dinner with the entire family, my dad asked my younger sister to get the meat out the freezer above the fridge. My sister opens the fridge and is on her toes to reach the meat. You can hear the determination in her exhales...

A Man, A Sheep, And A Dog Are Stranded On An Island

December 03, 2013 / 18,607 views

A man, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on an island. After being there a while, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular...

A Lawyer Spots Two Men Eating Grass On The Side Of The Road

November 27, 2013 / 18,529 views

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating...