Funny Clean Jokes

What To Do With 5 Penguins In The Car

May 29, 2014 / 15,774 views

A man drives into a gas station. The attendant goes to fill his tank and notices 5 penguins in the back seat. The attendant says, "Hey - why do you have 5 penguins in your car?" The driver says, "I KNOW! I was just...

A Duck Walks Into A Bar

May 20, 2014 / 16,151 views

A duck walks into a bar around lunchtime, sits down and orders a beer and a sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, "Oh my God, a talking duck! What are you doing here?" The duck replies, "I'm...

A Russian And An Irish Wrestler Square Off

May 13, 2014 / 23,682 views

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the final match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian....

Newlywed Woman In Her 90s Is Interviewed

May 07, 2014 / 24,933 views

There was a lady in her 90s who became a sort of local celebrity because she had recently gotten married. The local news station decided to interview her. The interviewer asked questions like how it was to be a newlywed in her...

A Bank Robber Forgot His Mask

April 29, 2014 / 17,602 views

A bank robber wanted to keep his identity a secret, but  he forgot to bring his mask. He told everyone in the bank not to look at him or he would shoot them. One foolhardy customer sneaked a look, and the bank robber did what...

A Rich Woman And Her Butler

April 21, 2014 / 19,146 views

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off. She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening. As it turned out, the...

Two Guys Are Hunting In The Woods

April 09, 2014 / 17,634 views

One of them spots a hole in the ground that looks unusually deep. He picks up a rock and throws it in the hole, and never hears it hit the bottom. "Try something heavier", the other man suggests. They find a rusty old...

The Magic Elevator

April 01, 2014 / 19,183 views

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this,...

Selling War Insurance

March 25, 2014 / 10,567 views

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center where he was to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a...

A Farmer And His Watermelons

March 19, 2014 / 13,481 views

A farmer in the country has a watermelon patch and upon inspection he discovers that some of the local kids have been helping themselves to a feast. The farmer thinks of ways to discourage this profit-eating situation. So...

God Asks Adam To Do Something

March 16, 2014 / 12,435 views

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a...

With Age Comes Wisdom

March 06, 2014 / 12,414 views

A balding, white haired man from Chebacco Lake in Florida, walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.  He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his...

A Lawyer Just Bought A New Sports Car

February 28, 2014 / 10,905 views

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right...

Getting A Hair Dryer Through Customs

February 21, 2014 / 12,431 views

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair...

Reincarnated As A Chicken

February 14, 2014 / 23,746 views

Dave comes home from the pub, drunkest he's been in a long time, and collapses into bed next to his sleeping wife. Later, he's woken by a brilliant flash of light at the end of his bed, which his still sleeping wife seems oblivious to....

Jack Wants To Go Golfing

February 11, 2014 / 12,344 views

Four guys have been going to the same Golfing trip to St Andrews for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go,...

The Captain's Parrot And The Magician

February 04, 2014 / 29,750 views

A magician was working on a cruise ship. Since the audience was different each week, the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to...

A Married Couple Went To The Hospital To Have Their Baby Delivered...

January 31, 2014 / 12,209 views

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to...