Funny Clean Jokes

Two Little Boys Decided To Split A Bag Of Oranges In A Cemetery
October 27, 2015 / 24,595 views
Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the...

A Pregnant Woman Hobbles Into The Hospital Screaming
October 27, 2015 / 35,663 views
A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back. A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!" The nurse shakes her head and...

A Burglar Breaks Into A Home With A Parrot
October 13, 2015 / 16,966 views
A burglar broke into a home. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Thinking it was his imagination, he continued his search. Again, he hears: "Jesus is watching you." He turned...

A Navy Master Chief Questions A New Seaman
October 07, 2015 / 17,649 views
The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name, sailor?" "John," the new seaman replied. "Look, I don't know what kind of...

A Woman Goes To The Doctor Worried About Her Husband's Temper
September 29, 2015 / 46,935 views
A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?" The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his...

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell. This Is Priceless!
September 22, 2015 / 68,025 views
A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name. "So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that...

An Old Farmer Catches A Group Of Women Skinny Dipping In His Pond
September 12, 2015 / 35,399 views
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach...

These Seniors Couldn't Get The $2.99 Special Without Eggs, So They Did Something Genius
September 07, 2015 / 17,557 views
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘Senior Special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. "Sounds good," my wife said, "but I don't want the eggs." "Then...

A Man Takes His Pet Lobsters Out For A Swim
August 25, 2015 / 15,907 views
A Game Warden is walking along a beach one morning when he spots a man with a bucket of lobsters. The Warden walks up to the man, flashes his badge and says, "You're in big trouble, buddy. Poaching lobsters is a serious...

Mom Suspected Her Son Was In A Relationship With His Roommate. How She Found Out Is Priceless
August 19, 2015 / 55,818 views
A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate. During the course of the meal, his mother could't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and...

He Says He's Too Smart For 2nd Grade, So His Teacher Puts Him To The Test
August 11, 2015 / 20,078 views
A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was, and he replied, "I'm too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than her...

A Student Tries To Convince His Teacher To Give Him A Better Grade. The Final Attempt Is Priceless
August 04, 2015 / 14,640 views
A student goes to talk to his professor about the grade on his exam. He walks up and says, "What is this? Why did you give me an 80?" The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you...

Dad's New Wife Tries To Ruin Her Wedding Day, But Then Her Real Mom Comes To The Rescue
July 27, 2015 / 19,820 views
Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement – not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the perfect dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed...

When Beethoven Passed Away, He Was Buried In A Churchyard
July 20, 2015 / 17,394 views
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent...

She Catches Her Husband Cheating, And Then He Says This
July 13, 2015 / 15,773 views
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive woman. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me – faithful wife, the mother of your...

He Asked His Wife To Bury Him With ALL His Money, So This Is What She Did
July 03, 2015 / 25,149 views
There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money. He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his...

A Priest, A Doctor, And An Engineer Are Playing Golf
June 30, 2015 / 23,620 views
An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. "That's a group of...

He Told His Wife He's Going To Give A Speech On Water Skiing At Church. The Result Is Hilarious
June 25, 2015 / 14,813 views
In Church there is a family that has recently been baptized. After a month of being new members the Bishop calls them in separately to see how they are doing. During an interview with the father, the bishop asks, “"Will you...
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