Funny Clean Jokes

Jesus Walks Into A Restaurant...

December 18, 2015 / 24,748 views

Jesus walks into a restaurant and says to the hostess, "A table for 26 please." Confused, the hostess does a quick head count, and says "But there are only 13 of you." Jesus replies, "Yes, but we...

He Landed A Job As A Walmart Greeter, But Only Lasted Two Hours. The Reason Why Is Priceless!

December 07, 2015 / 62,286 views

So after landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, mean-acting woman walked into the store with her two kids, yelling...

An Old Man Gets An Urgent Phone Call From His Wife While Driving Home

December 01, 2015 / 24,260 views

A senior citizen called her husband during his drive home. "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 90. Please be careful!" Herman replied, "It's not...

I Ran Into An Old Friend Today

November 23, 2015 / 37,123 views

I bumped into an old school friend at the store today. He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports cars. Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a photo of his wife and said, "She's...

A Duck Walks Into A Bar And Orders A Beer And Sandwich...

November 12, 2015 / 47,424 views

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich. The bartender looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck." "I see your eyes are working," replies the...

Two Hillbillies Save The Day After A Woman Begins Choking In A Restaurant

November 03, 2015 / 48,520 views

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman eating a sandwich at a nearby table begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she...

Two Little Boys Decided To Split A Bag Of Oranges In A Cemetery

October 27, 2015 / 25,625 views

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbor. They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery. As they were jumping over the gate to enter the...

A Pregnant Woman Hobbles Into The Hospital Screaming

October 27, 2015 / 36,438 views

A pregnant woman hobbles into the hospital with one hand on her back. A nurse asks her what's wrong, and the pregnant woman screams, "Shouldn't! Wouldn't! Didn't!" The nurse shakes her head and...

A Burglar Breaks Into A Home With A Parrot

October 13, 2015 / 17,943 views

A burglar broke into a home. He heard a soft voice say, "Jesus is watching you." Thinking it was his imagination, he continued his search. Again, he hears: "Jesus is watching you." He turned...

A Navy Master Chief Questions A New Seaman

October 07, 2015 / 18,442 views

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him, "Get over here! What's your name, sailor?" "John," the new seaman replied. "Look, I don't know what kind of...

A Woman Goes To The Doctor Worried About Her Husband's Temper

September 29, 2015 / 48,113 views

A woman goes to the Doctor, worried about her husband's temper. The Doctor asks: "What's the problem?" The woman says: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every day my husband seems to lose his...

A Politician Dies And Has To Spend Just ONE Day In Hell. This Is Priceless!

September 22, 2015 / 72,094 views

A politician dies and ends up standing in front of the pearly gates. Saint Peter looks at him for a second, flicks through his book, and finds his name. "So, you're a politician..." "Well, yes, is that...

An Old Farmer Catches A Group Of Women Skinny Dipping In His Pond

September 12, 2015 / 36,939 views

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach...

These Seniors Couldn't Get The $2.99 Special Without Eggs, So They Did Something Genius

September 07, 2015 / 18,242 views

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘Senior Special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99. "Sounds good," my wife said, "but I don't want the eggs." "Then...

A Man Takes His Pet Lobsters Out For A Swim

August 25, 2015 / 16,609 views

A Game Warden is walking along a beach one morning when he spots a man with a bucket of lobsters. The Warden walks up to the man, flashes his badge and says, "You're in big trouble, buddy. Poaching lobsters is a serious...

Mom Suspected Her Son Was In A Relationship With His Roommate. How She Found Out Is Priceless

August 19, 2015 / 56,863 views

A Mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl roommate. During the course of the meal, his mother could't help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and...

He Says He's Too Smart For 2nd Grade, So His Teacher Puts Him To The Test

August 11, 2015 / 20,894 views

A second grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. One day she asked Johnny what his problem was, and he replied, "I'm too smart for the second grade, my sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than her...

A Student Tries To Convince His Teacher To Give Him A Better Grade. The Final Attempt Is Priceless

August 04, 2015 / 15,436 views

A student goes to talk to his professor about the grade on his exam. He walks up and says, "What is this? Why did you give me an 80?" The professor looks at the exam again, "Yep, an 80 is what you...