Funny Clean Jokes

A Young Weasel Walks Into A Bar...

June 24, 2017 / 52,154 views

A 14-year-old weasel walks into a bar and approaches the counter. The bartender immediately notices the underage weasel. "Sir, you look extremely young. I can't serve you even a single beer." "Oh...

Chicken Surprise

June 09, 2017 / 45,552 views

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly...

The World's Longest Memory

June 05, 2017 / 39,943 views

A man and his family walk into a bar. Inside of the bar, the man's youngest child sees a Native American sitting under a sign stating "World's longest memory". The child walks up to sign and decides to test if this...

11 Minutes

May 19, 2017 / 50,124 views

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known lover's spot, famous for all obscene activities. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look....

A Group Of Engineers On A Plane Discover It Was Built By Their Students

May 12, 2017 / 83,871 views

A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane. Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students. All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the...

My Wife Is Turning 32 Soon...

May 04, 2017 / 39,203 views

So my wife is turning 32 next week. I told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. "After all," I said, "The celebrations are only going to last half a minute." "What are you talking...

Wife Sends Her Programmer Husband To The Grocery Store

April 14, 2017 / 36,688 views

A wife asks her programmer husband to go to the store. She asks him, "Can you go down to the grocery store, and get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6." Later on he returns home and she looks at his...

He Asks His Wife 'Where's The Rake?' Her Response Is Gold

April 14, 2017 / 39,388 views

I was doing yard work after the storm this weekend and my wife was about to take a shower. I realized that I couldn't find the rake. I yelled up to my wife, "Where's the rake?" She couldn't hear me and she...

An Atheist Walking In The Woods Is Chased By A Bear

April 05, 2017 / 63,239 views

An atheist was walking through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind...

A Bear Is Chasing A Squirrel In The Woods...

March 24, 2017 / 25,853 views

A bear is chasing a squirrel in the woods. They cross a river when, all of a sudden, the river genie appears. Genie: "Well, alright. Two customers. I don't know who triggered this whole thing, so lemme give you...

A Guy Brags To His Boss That He Know Everyone There Is To Know

March 11, 2017 / 24,090 views

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom...

A Farmer Is Being Interviewed About His Cows

February 23, 2017 / 30,174 views

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give? Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one? Interviewer: Brown one. Farmer: A couple of litres per day. Interviewer: And the black...

A Man Wakes Up In A Dingy Slum And Realizes He's In The Afterlife

February 08, 2017 / 21,901 views

A man wakes up in a dingy slum with no memory of how he got there. He wanders around aimlessly before he finds even one person who will talk to him. Some ratty beggar on the street turns out to be nice enough to explain where he...

A Man Is Lying In Bed In The Hospital Wearing An Oxygen Mask Over His Mouth And Nose

January 30, 2017 / 28,614 views

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know,...

A Guy Sits Down At The Bar In Front Of A Bowl Of Pretzels

January 24, 2017 / 20,201 views

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says, "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner...

How My Husband And I Terrified A Taxi Driver

January 17, 2017 / 28,578 views

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and a movie. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When...

A Pastor Is Finishing Up His Sermon On Sunday Morning...

January 09, 2017 / 21,161 views

"In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed." So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit. "How many...

A Gorilla Walks Into A Bar...

December 29, 2016 / 23,184 views

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the...