LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE.

It is with a heavy heart to come up with this decision. I have to do this for now or else I would end up giving myself to emotional devastation. I have become so tired. Tired of running so hard to make both ends meet. Tired of thinking what more could I do in a faster way. Tired of always making the impossible.

I have painfully decided to let my kids move to another school with a much cheaper rate or to a public school near our place. Their previous school's expenses was so high that it would now really go beyond my financial capacity because of my existing insurmountable debts.

This decision had been with a painful struggle and confusion. I had asked myself so many times if I made the right choice or am I just running out of faith again that God can provide all our needs. I had been praying hard that God would let me understand His will as to where I would send them this year. If I will let them stay, my debts will not end and I will be running in a rat race again with fear and frustrations. Or, I might end up breaking apart.

He knows how I wanted to provide them with the best education. He knows how I wanted to let them stay in the same school to protect, especially, my son from derision and unacceptance. He knows how I wanted to shield him from bullying and the possible destruction of his self-esteem.

Mzed Christian School has been the channel of his fast changes and development. For the past two years he was there, I saw his excitement everyday. I saw how safe and friendly was the environment.No discrimination even among the parents to less unfortunate people like us. Most of all, Jesus was their theme . His name was in the air and everywhere.

Somehow, I had decided to give myself a chance to rest this year. A plan to cut all my great expenses off in order to stop those loan interests and penalties. I have asked God to allow me to clear off those mind - boggling debts this year through this new business I am now into. I had become desperate to live one day at a time.

Yet, this decision comes with fear that my son would go through the same ordeal of rejection and unacceptance again. Fear that he might experience those bullying incidents again. Fear of that cruelty where he was choked, tied to a post, fed forcefully with stones and leaves in his previous school before he came to Mzed.

One night, he told me that his friends from the neighborhood had their first day of class already. So I told him that in the morning of the following day, we would go to his friend's school in a nearby public institution and enroll him and his sister there.

"Can we go to my school in Mzed Christian School instead, mommy lyn? "

"Why? Are we going to ask permission that you and inday are going to another school this year? "

"No, mommy lyn!" We are going to sell more perfumes there so that I can still go to Mzed Christian School. "

As loud as my laughter was the echo that went down inside my heart tearing it apart. In his young mind, he already understood what it take for us to make a living.

On the following day, he woke up early and urged us to do our morning prayer because we have this special supplication to make.

One morning, during my morning shift in Adventist Hospital - Cebu, while my mind was so engulfed with my burden and pity for my son, our hospital chaplain, Pastor Romy Illustrisimo happened to pass by our station. I called him up and asked him to pray for me.

While He sent my worries to God in prayer, I did not notice that my tears were rolling down one after another. My heart was crying silently, in silent yearning for His will.

After that short communion with God, I felt something heavy and sharp was drawn out from the core of my being. I felt, then, a sense of peace inside.

Just this week, at the time of this writing, God answered our prayer in a most surprising way. Nothing indeed is difficult for the Lord. Both of them will now stay. And I am so awed at how He regarded the faith of a little child.