I've been around 44 years now, and I've been a round boy for most of those years as well. I always imagined thinner people were happier than me - but after losing 80 pounds, I can't say that I'm any happier than I was as a fat-ass. I'm not complaining, mind you: I just imagined I'd feel differently. I imagined I'd know a different kind of happiness than I'd never known before. Instead, I wound up learning what I consider to be the Secret of Happiness.

As an American, I was raised to believe I was entitled to 100% happiness, all day every day, until I died. But in our Declaration of Independence, we're granted only the PURSUIT of happiness - not actual happiness. The founders of this country were smart not to promise the tired, the poor and the huddled masses yearning to breathe free too much of a good thing.

The good news is that the pursuit of happiness is way better than being happy any day. The irony is that actual happiness blasts us across our faces, necks and chests all the time - but we're so busy chasing the elusive notion of what happiness is to us at that moment, we tend to overlook the authentic bliss we create for ourselves and others in the process of simply trying to be happy. And by the time we realize these were, in fact, moments of happiness, it's too late: those moments are now memories.

Happiness can't be bottled. It can't be smoked, swallowed, or shot. And there is no end game: you never cross the finish line and are suddenly happy. Even when all your wildest dreams come true, you still pursue happiness.

Thankfully, human beings are at their happiest when they feel they're at their most productive. So the only real happiness is the pursuit of happiness. When we chase happy, we feel our best. Life is about the journey, not the destination - so while the idea of happiness sounds great, it's actually the pursuit of happiness that provides the most contentment. And in that pursuit, we are ultimately at our happiest.