Me And My Mental Health Disorder

By Shinelle • March 18, 2017

Mental Health is so common yet there's so much stigma to it. We are all just normal everyday people with different levels l of needs. In fact walking along busy streets today you may have walked passed over one hundred people that suffer from mental health illnesses or have some kind of severity of mental health. There are seminal moments, defining moments in life. And when they occur life is defined by them - what life was before that moment, what life was after that moment. Though it can be different if you want it to and allow it to be. Life can be changed if what you have done after was the right choice. To me life is not defined by your passed experiences but is defined by the choices you make after in order to change that thought and feeling.

I have a mental illness. I admit that I used to deny needing help and support and now learn to accept it.

Thankfully I found myself some encouraging friends and family who eventually started asking if I was OK, which I wasn't but it opened a door to express how I was feeling. Every time I was asked if I'm okay I always replied saying "yes I'm okay" because I thought it was easier. Ultimately it isn't the easiest of things to do. Bottling things up I have learnt is one of the biggest mistakes to make, though it can be fixed in the long run. I never believed it at first when I was told this. "There's always someone to speak to". This was because I thought no one cared about me. I always thought that it was impossible to be able to speak but later in life found out it wasn't. In fact the word it self says "I'm possible".

One day I had a turning point and thought why should I have to lie about something that has bought more resilience to me. Resilience to me is one of the most important skills to own in life because it helps you in difficult situations like this. Why should I have to lie about something that has made me into a stronger and overall better person. Why should I have go lie about something that makes me unique.

People who come over, you push away because you don’t want them to see the real side of you, the pain and shame you are feeling. When I close my eyes and recollect the moments before I attempted suicide over a month ago the memory still gives me chills. I never wanted to do it. At that very moment, I felt defeated.

Yes everyone has difficult times in life and unfortunately some individuals suffer worse than others. Like me. However this has not made me give up. The best thing I ever did for myself is to keep pushing even though I feel like ending my life at times.

Learning to pick yourself up after going through so much is such an important thing that no one ever tells you to do.

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