Funny Clean Jokes

A Major Asks For The Lieutenant

September 13, 2018 / 83,731 views

A major arrives at a remote post. "Where's your lieutenant?" he asks a private. "Sir, there isn't a lieutenant assigned to this post." "I was told there was." "No,...

My Daughter Learned To Count!

September 05, 2018 / 68,155 views

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves...

A Man Runs Out Of Gas

August 28, 2018 / 92,765 views

A man is driving down the road and runs out of gas. A few moments later, a bee flies in his window. "What seems to be the problem?" asked the bee. "I'm out of gas," the man replied. The...

The DNA Test

August 09, 2018 / 70,124 views

After 3 years, a wife starts to think that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents. Wife: "Honey, I have something very...

Three Brothers Age 92, 94 And 96 Live Together

August 03, 2018 / 66,932 views

One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts his foot in and pauses. He yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see." He...

A Lion Spots A Lost Dog In The Jungle

July 23, 2018 / 78,844 views

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution "this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before". So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and...

The Shy Priest

June 28, 2018 / 49,393 views

A shy priest greets the wedding guests to the Chapel. He's very nervous and doesn't say much. As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence,...

Hot Dogs In America

May 30, 2018 / 61,128 views

Two immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in...

A Genie Says 'You Have 3 Wishes'

April 26, 2018 / 67,401 views

A man finds an ancient oil lamp and out comes an all powerful genie. Genie: "You have 3 wishes." Man: "I don't know, I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will...

A Mexican Man Who Speaks No English Tries To Buy Socks

April 16, 2018 / 90,430 views

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks. He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man. "I...

A Magic Trick In A Pastry Shop

March 26, 2018 / 62,615 views

Two broke and hungry best friends, Dave and John, go to a pastry shop. Dave suddenly whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice. He says to John, "See how clever I am?...

A Man Asks For A Free Drink If He Can Prove His Dog Can Talk

March 06, 2018 / 68,213 views

A man walks into a bar with his dog. "This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?" he asks. "You can have one on the house," the bartender says. The...

An Uber Passenger Taps The Driver On The Shoulder

February 15, 2018 / 53,480 views

An Uber passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second...

A Student Gets In Trouble And Tells The Principal His Name

February 02, 2018 / 54,981 views

A student got in trouble during class and was sent to the principal's office for the first time. The principal says to him, "What's your name, son?" The student replies: "T-T-T-on-on-on-tony,...

A Man Obsessed With Statistics Is Afraid To Fly

January 18, 2018 / 50,272 views

John lives his life by statistics and is afraid to fly. One day his friend, Bill, asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?" "Irrational?" John replies, "Not at all. I've merely...

Buy A Tie

January 08, 2018 / 53,688 views

A fleeing Taliban fighter desperate for water was lost in the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards ‘the object' only to find a little old Jewish man at...

A Woman Is Out Golfing And Finds A Frog Trapped In The Woods

December 18, 2017 / 82,762 views

A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...

A Woman Is Shopping For A Thanksgiving Turkey

November 27, 2017 / 64,019 views

A woman drove to the local grocery store to buy a turkey to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. She was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her entire family. So, she asked a...