Funny Clean Jokes

Whatever You Do, Don't Step On A Duck

November 08, 2013 / 37,457 views

Three men approached the gates of heaven where they were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. "Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: DO NOT step on a duck." "I'm sorry....

A Genie Lamp with a Twist

November 02, 2013 / 15,379 views

A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lamp. Thinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "I am an all and powerful genie. You get three wishes,...

The Miracles of Modern Medicine

October 23, 2013 / 13,683 views

Bill works in a machine shop. One day he gets into an accident at work. He leans in too close to a piece of machinery and it chops off his arm. Bob rushes over to help. He puts Bill's arm in a plastic bag and takes him to the hospital. An...

Postal Workers Good Deed

October 15, 2013 / 15,525 views

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what...

Talk Like a Frog

October 09, 2013 / 12,917 views

A 5 year-old girl goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her grandfather. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room. "Grandpa, Grandpa!!" she says excitedly,...

Flat Tire Final Exam

October 01, 2013 / 24,037 views

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but,...

Little Old Ladies

September 28, 2013 / 22,313 views

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting old. The first one said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't...

Talking Dog For Sale

September 19, 2013 / 20,607 views

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting...

Duck Testing at the Vet

September 10, 2013 / 10,628 views

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm...

The Lost Dog And The Ferocious Lion

September 04, 2013 / 12,108 views

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says to himself with caution, "This guy looks edible, never seen his kind before." So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog...

Chocolate Store Magic

August 27, 2013 / 12,784 views

A doctor and an engineer entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking around, the doctor stole 3 chocolate bars. As they left the store, the doctor said to engineer, "Man! I'm the best thief ever, I stole 3...

Getting into Heaven

August 20, 2013 / 14,398 views

A young man stood before St. Peter who tells him "Son, to let you into Heaven you must tell me one good thing you've done on Earth" The guy thinks for a moment and replies "Well, I saw some some bikers out the...

Mother's Day

August 14, 2013 / 14,617 views

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went...

Creative Lawyer

August 05, 2013 / 14,557 views

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the...

Blind Pilots

July 19, 2013 / 15,072 views

Passengers on a small plane are waiting for the flight to leave. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them the pilots will be there soon, and then the flight can take off. Finally the entrance opens,...

Husband Email Fail

July 09, 2013 / 21,125 views

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel...

Excuse for Speeding

June 26, 2013 / 14,732 views

On his 60th birthday, Jeff bought himself a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head. "This is great,"...

Be On Time

June 12, 2013 / 16,909 views

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words while they waited. "I got my...