Funny Clean Jokes

A Pencil Can't Catch A Break

November 30, 2023 / 26,996 views

Once upon a time, there was a pencil who couldn't catch a break. No matter how hard it tried, it kept rolling off the desk. Over and over again it would find itself on the dirty floor. Frustrated, the pencil turned to...

A Girl And A Boy Are Locked Out Of Their House

October 12, 2023 / 28,866 views

A sister and brother are locked out of their house. They can't find any way in, so the girl leans forward and starts talking to the front door lock. "Hey door lock you're looking nice today, why don't you...

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by...

August 08, 2023 / 37,347 views

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cab driver says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cab Driver: "Frank...

Three Boys Go Into A Haunted House

June 20, 2023 / 34,595 views

Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun, and one brought nothing but a few cough drops. They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly,...

A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife

April 10, 2023 / 36,934 views

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. She explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the...

A Woman Was 3 Months Pregnant When She Fell Into A Deep Coma

February 09, 2023 / 61,486 views

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a deep coma and woke up after about 10 months. The woman asked the doctor about her baby. Doctor: "You had twins, a boy and a girl. They’re both fine. And, your...

Everyone Asked A 100-Year-Old Man And His 98-Year-Old Wife For Their Health Secrets

January 23, 2023 / 30,985 views

The old man said: "I'll tell you my secret. I've been married for 75 years. I promised my wife when we got married that when we quarrel, the loser has to walk for 5 kilometres. So I've been walking 5 kilometres...

A Woman Has Twin Boys And Gives Them Up For Adoption

December 08, 2022 / 31,589 views

The first goes to a family in Egypt, which names him Ahmal. The second goes to a family in Spain, which names him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Excited at receiving the...

My Favorite Vampire

October 11, 2022 / 35,433 views

My wife asked me who my favorite vampire is. I replied, "The one from Sesame Street." She said, "He doesn't count." I replied, "Oh I assure you, he...

The Husband Super Store

September 12, 2022 / 32,314 views

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from many men. It was laid out over five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you...

Finally, A Blonde Joke I Haven't Heard Before…

June 20, 2022 / 39,625 views

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16-year-olds. She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball. She takes pity on him...

On The First Day, God Created The Dog...

May 24, 2022 / 91,250 views

God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years." The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only...

As A Butcher Is Shooing Away A Dog From His Shop, He Sees A $10 Bill And A Note In His Mouth

April 13, 2022 / 39,780 views

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 bill and a note in his mouth, reading: "5 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the...

A Chicken Goes Into The Library, Walks Up To The Librarian, And Says, 'Book'

March 21, 2022 / 41,242 views

The librarian says, "You want a book?" "Book." "Any book?" "Book." So the librarian gives the chicken a novel and off it goes. An hour later the chicken comes...

From The Backwoods

March 03, 2022 / 34,359 views

Just before thanksgiving Jim and Eddie are out hunting for turkeys when Jim keels over and collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. Eddie gets out his cell phone and calls the emergency...

I Was In A Long Queue At A Drive-Thru...

January 25, 2022 / 44,814 views

I was in a long queue at a drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn because I was taking too long to place my order. Take the high road, I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window I paid...

A Blind Man Walks Into A Hotel In Texas

January 04, 2022 / 38,233 views

He goes to the bar and hops up on a giant barstool. "Boy, this seat is massive!" he tells the bartender. The bartender tells him, "Everything's bigger in Texas!" He orders a beer and the...

A New Law

November 30, 2021 / 33,660 views

Two guys walk into a bar and order lunch. "What brings you guys in today?" the bartender asks. "I guess you haven't heard yet. The mayor passed a law yesterday to try to help out local restaurants...