Funny Clean Jokes

When Beethoven Passed Away, He Was Buried In A Churchyard

July 20, 2015 / 18,001 views

A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent...

She Catches Her Husband Cheating, And Then He Says This

July 13, 2015 / 16,488 views

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive woman. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me – faithful wife, the mother of your...

He Asked His Wife To Bury Him With ALL His Money, So This Is What She Did

July 03, 2015 / 26,027 views

There was a man who had worked all of his life and has saved all of his money. He was a real cheapskate when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his...

A Priest, A Doctor, And An Engineer Are Playing Golf

June 30, 2015 / 24,601 views

An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. "That's a group of...

He Told His Wife He's Going To Give A Speech On Water Skiing At Church. The Result Is Hilarious

June 25, 2015 / 15,635 views

In Church there is a family that has recently been baptized. After a month of being new members the Bishop calls them in separately to see how they are doing. During an interview with the father, the bishop asks, “"Will you...

If You Have These Symptoms, You May Have Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder

June 17, 2015 / 17,764 views

Recently, a women was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. (Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder). This is how it manifests: I decide to water my flower tubs. As I turn on the hose I look over at my car and decide it needs...

A Horse Walks Into A Bar

June 09, 2015 / 20,471 views

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, "why the long face?" The horse stands there, staring blankly at the bartender. Everyone starts to feel a little awkward. The horse's handler comes in and leads it out, but not before...

Helping Papa in the Garden

June 01, 2015 / 19,339 views

An old Italian gentleman lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to...

He Wanted A Divorce From His Wife. This Conversation With His Lawyer Is Priceless

May 25, 2015 / 38,667 views

A Polish man moved to the United States and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him -...

An Irish Man Wins Big On 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' Thanks To A Good Friend

May 15, 2015 / 16,421 views

Mick, from Dublin , appeared on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and towards the end of the program, he had already won 500,000 euros. "You've done very well so far," said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,...

At First She Thought He Was Being Romantic, But His Actual Response? Priceless

May 08, 2015 / 15,462 views

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be...

A Driver Is Pulled Over By A Cop For Speeding. How He Gets Out Of It Is Brilliant

May 01, 2015 / 25,769 views

The policeman approaches the drivers door. "Is there a problem, Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?" The driver responds, "I'd give...

Abraham Lincoln Once Stayed With My Grandma While On His Campaign Trail

April 22, 2015 / 13,902 views

This story takes place in 1860. Back 150+ years ago, presidential candidates didn't have nearly the luxuries current candidates do. The didn't stay in five star hotels or travel by private jet - they stayed with normal families on...

A Couple Seeks Marriage Advice From Their Parents

April 15, 2015 / 14,396 views

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom- to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice....

A Cop Knocked On My Door This Morning

April 07, 2015 / 17,216 views

A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence. After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined...

An 85 Year-Old Man Was Requested By His Doctor To Have A Sperm Count

April 01, 2015 / 19,230 views

An 85-year-old man was requested by his Doctor to have a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next...

Dad Goes To The Hospital With An Injured Wrist

March 25, 2015 / 15,626 views

A father gets into a car accident and injures his wrist pretty bad. He goes to the hospital where the doctor gets him all fixed up, but before he leaves he asks the doctor: "Hey Doc, when this heals will I be able to play the...

A Man Buys Everyone In The Bar A Drink, Except For Him

March 20, 2015 / 19,623 views

A racist walks into a crowded bar. He looks around and sees a black man sat in a corner. The racist walks up to the bar, turns around and announces, "I'm going to buy everyone in this bar a free drink, except for that black guy over...