Around a year ago I would desperately try to be friends with anyone who would give me the time of day, even if I didn’t like being around them. I thought that the more friends I had the happier I’d be. I would try desperately to cling onto people and it was rather embarrassing. I had a few people who I loved to hang out with but it was very evident that my friendship wasn’t valuable to them at all, very one sided. I also had severe codependency issues and a break up was what pushed me to deciding to better myself.

I decided to embrace the “loneliness” of having no one around, I blocked and deleted everyone who I didn’t like AND everyone who didn’t value me. I’ve been left with around 4 people (excluding my family of course). I’ve decided that I will give people chances to be my friend when I meet them organically (at work or events etc) so that I don’t fully shut myself off but I will no longer be desperately searching for relationships and friendships. At first it was horrible and I couldn’t spend a second alone with my thoughts but now, 6 months down the line I love being alone. I always heard people say that and I absolutely never understood, I hated being alone. But now the peace of not having to worry about relationships and whether people like you and who’s saying what. I have no drama, I don’t even let it have a chance to develop and everything feels quiet and peaceful now. It took around 3 months before it began to feel ok.

I feel like I’ve taken control of my life again and put boundaries into place, people who have hurt me were previously given unlimited chances due to my “must keep as many people as possible” mindset, but now- they won’t have the privilege anymore. Doing this has allowed me to give myself much more respect and in turn has raised my self esteem (silver linings!).

I’ve realized throughout this that you cannot push things to be how they shouldn’t be, listen to the universe (or a higher power if you’re religious!) and if the world keeps knocking you down, realise what it actually wants from you.