I was sitting at the dinner table with my mother and step father discussing two different family drama situations when my mom gasps and her mouth is hanging wide open. She isn't speaking so I go and look on her phone and it's a friend request on Facebook from my big sister who we both haven't spoken to in four years when all of my sisters got pissed at my mom over lies about their childhood spread by their biological father. They abandoned me too since I was still living with her.

I lean over and hug my mom over the shoulders and tuck my head in between her jaw and shoulder as I myself start getting teary eyed.

She says "I don't want to accept it right away that would be weird" and as she finishes saying this messenger is ringing and it's my big sister calling.

They talked for over two hours and hearing my sister who I haven't seen or heard from in four years and hearing my niece and nephew who were one and three years old the last time I saw them speaking words and full comprehendible sentences was the best thing ever. The last time I saw them they were so little.

I tell my mom after the phone call is done that I'm going to wait fir my sister to add me and give her space. About thirty minutes later the notification popped up on my phone. She sent me a friend request.

I needed this. I needed this more than I actually knew. A question I have been pondering lately is how does one grieve the living?

I missed my big sister. I missed my niece and nephew. I only met her 11 years ago (different dads, same moms, both remarried) but at the time she came into my life I was in third grade and I loved the fact that I finally had a sister living with me, someone who I could hold onto when I was scared, someone who would be there for me.

I just never thought I would get to see her or hear from her again. I was scared that when the time came for me to have a child that they wouldn't ever meet their cousins.

I missed my big sister. I missed her so much.