An Epiphany While Being Sick

By Alan • October 22, 2018

While writing this impromptu story, I am lying down in bed being absolutely sick and just being all around negative. Thoughts like "Ugh, I wish I could just die right now and end this suffering." or just questioning every gods in existence why do I have to be sick. I'm sure some of you could relate to that. Suddenly, an epiphany of sorts hit me and I thought of a positive story that I just want to share with anyone who reads this. So here goes my story.

I was an active kid growing up, one who skips classes to play 8 hours of basketball and still cycle few kilometers back home on a crappy bicycle and repeat this everyday. I would even take that crappy bicycle and travel long distances on it with a bunch of friends without a care in the world. It was fun and simple times back then.

As the years go by, I was diagnosed with a series of acute conditions which made it difficult for me to exercise. And soon, the weights started pounding up over the years and my condition just kept getting worse and out of control which resulted in a very fatal condition called laziness. I find myself dragging my feet to go for a run or a stroll, and often find excuses to rest. The only motivation for me to go long distances now is food, which explains the size of my belly.

However, I do remember a weekend when I woke up exhausted after a 14 hour shift work the previous night, and felt motivated enough to go for a quick stroll in the park. It was a pleasant cloudy Saturday afternoon when I walked along the beach enjoying the breeze and looking at kids throwing stones into the sea. I stopped, sat down and just took in the whole view of the sea and the people on the beach.

Now, I want you to humor me for a minute, close your eyes (optional) and picture yourself standing/ sitting at the beach just looking at the sea. Do you see an end of it?

Some people may answer as "Nothing, just an endless stretch of the sea". Or some may answer with an animate object like an island, ship, lighthouse etc. Some people have a goal or an end in mind, while others may not have it. We are like the pebbles or rocks on the beach that are being thrown into the sea. It represents the burdens that we are carrying when we are going towards the end of the sea. Some of them heavy, while some lighter as compared to others. The lighter the stone is, the likely possibility of going further is much better than a big boulder.

The matters of the heart are complicated and it definitely takes a toll on us. Failed relationships, friendships or marriages. Resentment, betrayal, hate, self loathing and the list goes on. And then there is the physical aspects like our appearances, self esteem, medical conditions or defects etc. All these burdens adds up, and you may find yourself drowning or suffering whenever you take a further step into the unknown sea.

I know that it's a bit of a long story, but the takeaway is this. We have the power to do many things and we are also made that way. I find that 'forgiveness' is a powerful word and emotion when it comes to matters of the heart. That moment when you decide to let go and say I forgive you really pulls the weight off of you. And it is especially important to learn to forgive yourself. We are flawed and make mistakes, but we can always learn to stand up, dust off and keep moving forward to the ever elusive end. The journey is never ending and grueling at times, but it sure makes it easier when we learn to lighten the load.


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