All Good News

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste

at the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;

the gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

and the way I'd never said,"No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

and prepared once again to do battle with dirt---

I said to myself, as I only can

"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,

get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished.

Till all of the last additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.

I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore.

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.

Happy new year to all and to all a good diet!