The 25 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
June 30, 2014
The Huffington Post rounded up the best parent tweets from the past week. These are absolutely hilarious!
You know it's summer vacation when your kid watches an entire movie before 9 am.
— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) June 26, 2014
Me: "Hey kids, since it's summer break you can sleep AS LATE AS YOU WANT EVERY DAY NOW. No, seriously. Try it. It's pretty great."
— Mamatoga (@Mamatoga) June 25, 2014
My kids get along so great when they aren't around each other.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 26, 2014
Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 23, 2014
I'm always so proud of how my kids go green and re-purpose their old arguments so they work for today.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) June 23, 2014
If I had an elephant in one arm, a rhino in the other and an orangutan on my shoulders, my sons would still ask me to hold their stuff.
— Kelley (@KelleysBreakRm) June 27, 2014
Ask not "who put the piece of graham cracker in the basket of clean laundry?" Ask what that graham cracker can do for you. #Parenthood
— Jennifer Mendelsohn (@CleverTitleTK) June 27, 2014
"We don't eat food with our feet" is something I never thought I'd say before becoming a mom.
— Just Jessica (@fabulessica) June 24, 2014
2yo: I want a cheesestick. Me: You want a cheesestick? Him: NO cheesestick!
There's nothing more confusing than being 2. Except being me.
— Toulouse (@toulouseNtonic) June 26, 2014
*At kid's birthday party, Frozen on TV
My brain: Don't sing along. Don't sing along.
Me: *starts singing
My brain: Dammit
— Hunter Steele (@FatherWithTwins) June 22, 2014
The downsides to my kid leaving toys everywhere are that the place is a mess & stepping on them hurts.
The upside is feeling like Godzilla.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 24, 2014
It's easy to judge the seriousness of an injury by my 4yo's refusal to accept a non-character-themed band aid. Verdict: Not Very Serious.
— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) June 24, 2014
My kids are having a Who Can Make the Most Annoying Sound Contest today. I don't know who the winner will be.
All I know is I'm losing.
— Real Life Parenting (@RealLifeParent2) June 20, 2014
A haiku by my 8-yr-old son:
Pizza is yummy
I will never stop eating
I love it so much
— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) June 26, 2014
The 1st time was funny
The 2nd time was a recap
The 3rd was mildly agitating
The 493rd time is shut the hell up
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) June 23, 2014
My son just referred to the 1980's as "turn of the century."
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) June 25, 2014
At this point, I'm pretty sure my 4 year old son thinks "ChaseSayYou'reSorry" is all one word.
— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) June 25, 2014
My 5yo just prayed to Santa to help her poop come out painlessly, and I'm wondering where else my parenting might have screwed her up.
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) June 22, 2014
My 10yo asked me about Oedipus.
Me: "He was a good boy who loved his mother."
— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) June 24, 2014
4: Daddy, I don't want to take a nap.
Me: Trust me, one day 32 years from now, you will look back on this decision and really regret it.
— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) June 24, 2013
3 yr old: What's procrastinate mean?
Me: I'll tell you later...
— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) June 24, 2014
During a Team Umizoomi about favorite things:
B - "My favorite thing is my penis!"
Probably not what Umizoomi had in mind...
— Mike (@MikeDaddyReal) June 24, 2014
Being home with kids all day is just the loneliest never-alone thing. Like living in a cave filled with malfunctioning Teddy Ruxpins.
— Linda (@Sundry) June 26, 2014
*Quickly shoves handful of mini Reese's cups in my mouth*
4&6: What are you eating?
M: Dog poop.
4&6: Can we have some?
— Boston Girl (@Kmdk86) June 23, 2014
Highlight of my day? Finally hopping in the shower tonight only to get interrupted because my 7yo is sad about a flower that died last week.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 24, 2014
Little Girl Lip Syncs 'Girls Like You' With Daddy And It's The Cutest Thing Ever
Teacher Finds Messages On Her Student's Pencils
Couple's Maternity Shoot In A Pumpkin Patch Has A Terrifying Ending
US Embassy Accidentally Invites People To Cat Pajama Party
Three Sisters Are Going As The Hocus Pocus Witches For Halloween
Police Officer's Heartfelt Plea Describes The Side Of The Job You Don't Read About In The News
Someone Added Hilarious Captions To An Argument Between A French Bulldog And Mom
Watch This High School Dance Team's Magical Harry Potter Routine
A Baby Tumbles Down A Hill On Live TV During A Rugby Match
Cat Has Existential Crisis After Magic Trick
Pilot Lands A Plane Sideways At Bristol Airport