Woman's Ad For A Free Rooster Is The Funniest Thing You'll Read Today

December 15, 2017

A Michigan woman's advertisement for a free rooster is more of a cry for help than anything.

"FREE to good home. Well, any home really. At this point I don't give a sh*t what kind of home this inconsiderate jerk goes to: A**HOLE ROOSTER," Denell McCaul wrote on Facebook along with a picture of the bird she's come to despise.

Credit: Denell McCaul / Facebook

"He's the perfect rooster if your alarm is broken and you need to be awake at 5:30 a.m," she continued. "That is his only setting, 5:30. He has no snooze button but will be quiet just long enough for you to fall back to sleep and then he'll start back up with his obnoxious cock-a-doodle-doing right outside of your windows. It's like he knows where you sleep and can zone in on that particular window so maybe he has some sort of special x-ray vision where he can see sleeping people behind walls."

"He is also a perfect rooster if you want to start running... around your yard... while you're trying to get away from him. He no longer goes after me as he is also an instructor of interpretive dance. Or at least that's what I imagine it looked like as I went after him flapping my arms, jumping up and down, kicking at him, yelling and screaming, and swinging a mop in his direction.

So, if you're looking for an alarm clock with the only setting being 5:30 a.m., a personal trainer and a dance instructor, I have the perfect rooster that is able to fill all 3 of those positions FOR FREE! But you're coming out to catch this a**hole, I want to see your first interpretive dance lesson."