This isn’t something I usually talk about, but I wanna share it.

I’ve spent most of my life feeling empty, lost, misunderstood and exhausted in ways I never knew how to explain. I’ve always felt like I was just surviving instead of actually living, like I was carrying this constant weight on my chest. When my mom passed away in late 2023, whatever stability I had left completely fell apart.

Months later on April 28th, 2024, I was walking out of school and it was raining really hard. A friend offered to drive me home, but I politely declined because I didn’t want to feel like a burden, so I lied and said I “liked walking in the rain”. While I was walking on my way home, I heard tiny meows. I followed the sound and saw a tiny kitten, completely soaked, shaking and meowing in the middle of the rain. I remember how fragile she was and it hurt to look at her. I stood there for a moment not knowing what to do, then tried to look for her mother, but she was nowhere to be found. I ended up taking the kitten with me, telling myself it was just for the night and that I’d bring her back later to find her mom.

The next day, I went back to the same spot and searched for over an hour. I couldn’t find anything. I didn’t want to leave her outside, so I took her to the nearest shelter, hoping they could keep her. They checked her and said she was fine, but when I asked if they could take her in, they refused. ..I couldn’t leave her. She was barely two months old, and there was no way she would’ve survived on her own. So I took her home with me and named her “Francis”. :)

I’m bipolar, and when my episodes hit, things get really bad, and I feel like I’m losing control of myself.

Taking care of Francis gives me something solid to hold onto. Feeding her, playing with her, and just knowing she depends on me keeps me grounded when my mind isn’t. It’s been about a year and a half now, and she’s the reason I get up most days. I saved her that day in the rain, but in a lot of ways, she saved me too.

Notes: "cat distribution system" is a humorous and heartwarming term used to describe how cats unexpectedly show up in people’s lives—via parking lots, porches, or "strays" following them home—to be adopted, rather than being chosen from a shelter