It has been pretty hard on all of us at some point in the last year or so, for some, way more than others. This is the reason I try my best not to complain because despite how hard I may think I’ve had it, I know there is somebody out there who would trade places with me in a heartbeat. However, if I am totally honest, these last couple of weeks have been tough for me - drama among friendships, stress at work growing exponentially, trying to motivate myself for further studies, losing a loved one, just utter mental and physical exhaustion and at times feeling like I am completely alone.

In a sequence of even more unfavourable events, I allowed my frustration to get the better of me and ended up having a bit of an argument with someone when it really could have been avoided. Those are the worst, aren’t they? Especially because it is out of character for me and I know I probably disappointed the other person, not to mention, God.

I feel remorseful now, but at first, I’m not going to lie, I was furious! Steam could probably be seen coming out of my ears; I was absolutely livid. Later that day I decided to grab something to eat on the road. The conversation that morning had me so upset I hadn’t eaten but I eventually forced myself in the late afternoon to get to my car and pick something up. When I got to the cashier at the drive-thru, I had forgotten that their section was on the side of the passenger. That car window was not able to be opened in ages and I hadn’t gotten it fixed. So I thought, just my luck, now I have to get out and pay with all these other cars behind me for them to possibly jeer or hunk for me to hurry up. Admittedly, I think I was being a bit proud in that moment. While in the car I let out a sigh and attempted to pull the window down expecting my efforts to be futile… instead, it actually worked.

Now I know this may not seem like a big deal but at that moment, I literally thought God was showing me a sign. I could feel tears stinging my eyes and rivulets of anger, hurt and anguish about to stream my face. It was the reminder I needed that I was far from alone, and that if I ever really needed it, there is Someone who I know will be my help. I didn’t ask, in fact I didn’t even believe, and yet He came through for me just when I was about to break down yet again that day.

After mulling over this for a few days, I finally mustered the courage to talk to God properly about everything. I believe it was at this point that I realized I could have handled things differently instead of blaming the other person and thinking I was better than them because I would have been understanding; thinking that they used a harsh tone and hurtful words so my reaction was justified. But isn’t this the exact opposite of what has been taught to us? Suppose my frustration led to their anger? Maybe they too were having a bad day or week? Perhaps I am thinking they are not being helpful while they are thinking why won’t I just listen, why can't I understand?

At the end of the day, we never know what someone is going through so we should always be kind, even if they are unkind to us. We should not allow ourselves to be pushed around but we have to discern when walking away is all the fight we need; better yet, being nice in the face of criticism or through the choke of harsh words, when applicable. We also need to hold ourselves accountable when in fact we are at fault, learn to admit it and apologize, because we would want the same done to us. I would never want to give the impression that this is at all easy, but what I do know is when I need to, there is a "window" I can open at any time. My hope is that you remember you have access to Him too!