HOPE

By Innie Pearl • September 9, 2019

My father once told me "the only thing that keeps a man going inspite of his fustrations and agony is hope".

Growing up I learned how to be stronger and be a better version of myself... laying always in my solitude. That was like my abode cause I was always comfortable and found my peace there....there was nobody to understand how I felt or every bit of pain I felt within each passing day, made people think I was possessed or annoying, no father, mother, relatives or friends who really cared so being only was worth it and more comfortable for me. I had always hated myself and felt worthless bout everything in my life. People never really mattered to me anymore as I started caring less and the compassion and soft mind I had for people started to fade away.

Waking up one bright morning looking through the windows at the left seeing the wonders of the lord as the sun brightens up the clouds and people going to an from different locations. The horns of cars, noise of traders and cries of childrens. I felt relived calm and quite happy, I felt different, as the previous night I had cried my night out but this morning was like a dream but I knew obviously I wasn't.

I began to think within me that I was better or yea I would be better or the best, why would I ever degrade myself, I am special, worth more than silver or gold I believed in myself and I said just this one thing "I am not gonna die. Why? Because the hope of being a better version of myself was within one thing kept me moving forward and being stronger, HOPE".

I believed that a day would come that I would get a real smile, be truly happy, meet the perfect one and finally be my dreams.

Still HOPING.

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