After 6 Years Of Self Defeating Behavior...

By Nye Guy • October 22, 2016

This whole year, I've been doing things in both my personal and professional life that have pushed me far out of my comfort zone. Most of the time, things didn't go the way I hoped, but failure has taught me a lot about myself. I learned that I'm sometimes naive, and that some people will take advantage of that. I've learned to recognize the signs in those people. I learned that if I stand against something that is wrong, then I have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of when I speak up, be it a societal issue or someone mistreating me. I learned that being a perfectionist has held me back from giving my all for fear of making mistakes. Mostly, I learned that I've been letting my past define me in the wrong way. Anger and regrets have consumed me. Low self-esteem from years of bullying at the hands of kids, teachers, and my own father have placed a mental barrier between myself and my potential. I don't know how many nights I would lay awake with a sinking feeling in my chest, wishing I could go back and do things over again.

I have also seen in myself how much strength and enduring hope I possess, and as usual, I am reminded how fortunate I am for the friends and family I have. I'm ready to stop living in the past and I am looking to the future now. The past will always define me, but only because of my ability to overcome adversity. I'd say this new chapter of my life starts today, but truthfully, these changes have been in motion for awhile now. It just took me until this week to realize that when I looked back at the past this time around, I see progress where I was once stagnating.


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