I am an American soldier,I'm not the best, I have made many mistakes in my life. I am writing this story so others can prevent what I did. I was once married to my best friend, I took advantage of her kindness,love, and patients,she left me. I pushed her away before my deployment and took my work home. She left me right before deployment so my first tour I was freshly divorce. I did not have time or the luxury of process what had happen all I could do is be emotionally numb. I thought and hope I would die there because I knew coming home would not be a home. When i was deployed after I found out the family i knew for ten years would not return my calls emails, even unfriended on facebook i was alone, and numbness grew stronger. After eight months deployed I came back to the states. While everyone had family and friends to great them on there welcome home I had no one. I took my bags and went to the barracks. If you talk to soldier when your deployed time stops. I was living day by day she was moving on with here life. I find out that she met someone a Co worker and got married and she was expecting a child. It's haRd to have your best friend for so many years not be there anymore. What I am getting at is that I never came home I might be here but my home died when I left. Do not be like me trying to make life work day by day, crying every morning because your dreams are not real. Don't be the one seeing your flaws and weeknesses and loss faith in people. Don't be the one wishing you could change the past everyday and your heart breaks everyday because you still love someone and want them to be happy even if that someone is not you. The weight gets heavier and heavier everyday. This will be my first holiday season since the divorce and it's lonely not physically lonely but emotionally lonely. I miss her all u want for Christmas is for her to look me in the eye so I can finally let go because my mind will not let me. Even now as I type this.....I need to type this and post this somewhere maybe one person reads it and tell me I'm not going insane. Good luck to you in your future endeavors. HEY I LOVE YOU! ~TAF