My Faith Colored My Black And White World

By Maria • July 27, 2015

It's been 3 year since i stopped studying because of financial problem. My family can't afford my studies and I'm the one who choose to stopped. I've tried not to blame them and I work within 1 month it was my first ever Job in Cupcakery store. It's really hard for me I did multitasking job,cleaning,serving which I'm not usually doing. I'm lazy person at home but through that way I've different perspective in life. I always went home so late. Then one time i decided to left my work. Especially when my employer didn't pay me right. But i didn't talk to her about it. Especially i knew I worked fairly. At first i am really mad and try to talk to her about my last salary. But I forgive her. Lesson learnt. Since I've met new friends because of my work until now we have communications.

But it's not yet end there. I didn't raise my funds to study. I applied in many works but they didn't accept me because lack of experience. I cried many nights and i always pray to God to provide my needs. One time i ask my sister abroad to help me for my studies. But instead she got mad at me.She didn't understand me. And my heart going to burst. And my tears streaming down my face. I thought it's the end of the world. My view in the world was black and white. I lose my confidence,to face my friends who always asking me why I'm not yet studying. One of my best friends parent asked me 'Why you're not studying? Your friend soon will graduating and you are still not yet studying?' I smiled quietly and tell him that 'Soon God will provide' but I'm not robot i have heart. Of course i was hurt when i got home. I cried over and over again. It's like I'm shot! Why they didn't cheer me, instead judging me?

How many months i didn't shown up to my friends and best friends. And only my family knew what really happened. I didn't explained to them because maybe it will become a big deal. So i keep my mouth shut up until now. I surrender to God everything until today. Now I'm 19 i still have face many challenges of Life. And the time has come where i decided to see them and pretend I'm fine so they don't feel bother about me. I always make them laugh,and sometimes they think I'm crazy. So, in that way i can hide what's my feeling inside,even if it's torturing me. Base on my side, if people really care about you they will see right in your eyes, But if they don't, I don't wanna tell it to them. I just want to let God provide my needs, because everything happens for reason. I don't even know what was that but i ask God to guide me,to help me understand his plans for me. I let God to use me to be his instruments to cheer someone. And i think that's how i make my friends smile,cheer them and to tell them I'm always here for them.

Through that way I thank God for all his blessing upon us. Even I am not yet studying here. I'm willing to wait for the big opportunity that God will be given to me. I'm not mad to anyone who hurt me even if they don't know. But I am blessed because in that way, I've felt the presence of God. To have faith on him. Even in the darkness of life.

Always remember never judge the someone who you think, quiet, weird etc. Because maybe he is suffering from pain. Instead hug her, show to her you are always there. And never forget to pray over him. And God will bless you for that.


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