Brilliant Explanation Of Why Food Expires Goes Viral

October 3, 2024

On Reddit's "Explain Like I'm Five" forum, a user asked a very common question: "How do things expire once you open them or expose them to oxygen when they had to be exposed to air before being sealed?"

He shared his confusion about why items like milk, yogurt, and cheese last longer unopened but go bad soon after being opened.

Why do things expire once you open them?

Enter Reddit user Vadered, who delivered an incredibly clever and entertaining explanation of how it all works. Their response was so insightful that another user commented, "This story had everything!"

This is what he wrote:

"I'm a bacteria; a survivor. Before the hot times, me and all my brethren were eating and breathing and replicating with reckless abandon. We were innocent, then, and knew not of the coming trials.

But then the Pasteurization attacked. 99.9999% of my friends died in the heat. Luckily, I managed to squeak through, though I imagine had it been some kind of ultra-high pasteurization, I might not have made it. But I survived, and was even able to reproduce a little bit afterwards. Unfortunately, the Great Seal had cut off the air, and while my children and I used what oxygen we could to help repopulate the world, we ran out. We stopped spending so much energy, despite all the food all around us.

And we waited, and prayed for deliverance.

And lo, when the Giant One lifted the Great Seal, blessed air came to us once more. We gave thanks to the Giant One, and we feasted and divided as never before. After all, why would the Giant One deliver us oxygen if not to tell us to reproduce? Praise the Giant One, and let us multiply a trillion-fold!"

Vadered's clever response has already earned over 100 awards in less than a day since it was posted.

To top it off, one helpful tip from the discussion is to avoid storing milk on the door of your fridge. Apparently, it won’t stay cold enough there to last until its expiration date.