Woman Creates Hilarious Website To Help 'Hellion' Dog Find A Forever Home

July 24, 2021

A woman in Houston has built a website to try and help her "hellion" foster dog, Hank, get adopted.

The website starts off with this gem:

"While we were parked outside the Red Bull factory, Hank flew into our passenger side and immediately helped himself to our stash of road trip snacks like a teenager raiding the fridge after school. He’s 54 pounds of pure, unadulterated, kinetic energy with eyes like the ocean.

Unfortunately, that ocean also sank the Titanic."

Christine Clauder says she found Hank as a stray a few months ago in an industrial part of town. Though he’s "an amazing dog," he’s also very high energy and requires a lot of attention, something Clauder and her family aren’t prepared to handle.

So, she built a website to help find Hank a forever home. The site is filled with hilarious descriptions and jokes about the hyper dog.

"Trying to get this dog adopted has been like trying to find a Tickle-Me-Elmo during Christmas ’96. His foster mom has several other critters which are tiny. After experiencing his always-on personality, they’re JUST NOT HERE FOR IT. We’re all tired of Hank. Not because we don’t love him, we’re just TIRED. It’s like he drank ALL OF OUR COFFEE.

He needs a loving, active home with someone willing to train him. Maybe you’re into CrossFit. That kind of high energy personality is just the right kind of person that Hank would LOVE to be around.

He has so much energy, Governor Abbott called us to see if he could plug the Texas power grid into him."

The website says Hank is "Kind Of Trained" since he knows basic commands such as "sit," "down," "shake," and "why are you so f***ing mental, stop chewing on that and get in your f***ing kennel."

He's also very loyal.

"This a**hole likes to keep you company, no matter what you're doing. Cooking? He'll f***ing stand in between your legs and trip you up while you're holding knives."

As of July 23, the site says Hank is currently "reserved" by a potential adopter.

But all jokes aside, Clauder says she loves Hank.

"I really do think that he is a fantastic dog … we're looking for his perfect family," Clauder said.

Check out the website here. Just be warned, there is a lot of curse words.