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'Marriage Did Not Go The Way I Thought It Would': Wife Shares Touching 12-Year Marriage Journey

May 8, 2017

It's refreshing to read personal stories about couples sticking it out through the rough times. In an anonymous post on the day of her 12th anniversary, a woman shared her marriage journey and the important lessons she's learned along the way.

I especially like the part about choosing each day to be married and committed.

"Today is my 12th anniversary and I wanted to put this on Facebook, but it's one of those things that's a little too personal, so I'm sharing it anonymously here instead.

My husband and I met when I was 18, started dating when I was 19 and got married at 22. He was my first healthy relationship, the first relationship that lasted longer than a year, the first person who I trusted that much who never used my trust to hurt.

I had been abused and molested growing up, in an abusive relationship and sexually assaulted as a teen. I had nearly no sense of self worth, horrible coping skills, and a really hard time trusting people. None of that mess scared him away - not when I first told him about it, not when I was trying to work through it on my own, not when remnants of what happened to me made our marriage hard, not when I thought I couldn't take it anymore.

He was by my side through school, through two pregnancies, post partem depression, family issues, major career changes and chronic illness. He is a better man than I ever thought I could have, and I am so thankful to share my life and to raise my kids with him.

He had his own shit too - untreated anxiety, difficulties communicating, career change, some of his own family issues - but compared to my own mess, his stuff felt easy. I'm so proud of how he's grown and the choices he's made and the man he's grown into since we've met.

The most important thing I've learned from 12 years of marriage is that it's not a decision you make one day that lasts for the rest of your life. It's something you continually choose. You choose that person, you choose to trust them, you choose to take care of their needs and you choose to believe they're doing the same for you. You choose to be honest, to be vulnerable, to stand beside them. You choose them instead of the new person you're attracted to. You choose to find new ways to get to know them when things start to feel stale. You choose to find new ways to connect when sex is low on the priority list. You choose to tell them your secrets and your fears and you choose them all over again when they tell you theirs.

Marriage, and life in general, did not go the way I thought it would. Almost nothing in my life right now matches up to that stupid 5/10/15 year plan I had made in university. When we got married, I really had no idea what I was getting myself into (and neither did he). I love my husband. I love the life we've made together. I love that through all the problems (including that time I almost left him) he's chosen to stick with me and to work with me to make things better. I love that every year on our anniversary we check in, we make sure this is still the choice we're making, and that we'd choose it all over again."

Credit: needco