Brighten Your Day

Our anniversary was coming up, so my wife was hinting about what she wanted.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds."
So I bought her a scale.

And then the fight started...

The following day I took my wife to a restaurant to make up for yesterday. The waiter happened to ask my order first...so I ordered. "I'll take the NY strip steak, rare."
The waiter replied, "But sir, aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

The next day my wife was looking at herself in the bedroom mirror. It was obvious that she was not happy with what she saw.
"I feel terrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need a compliment from you."
I replied, "Your eyesight's still perfect!"

And that's when the fight started...