A Mother Shark's Advice To Her Young About Eating Humans

May 25, 2016 / 410 views

A mother shark is teaching her young how to eat humans... "First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again." The kids look at her...

This Is Why Aliens Don't Want To Talk To Us

May 16, 2016 / 2,257 views

Way out in space, two aliens are watching Earth and talking to each other. The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons." The second alien...

My Sister Asked Me To Take Off Her Clothes...

May 10, 2016 / 2,583 views

...So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and...

A Squirrel Living In A Tree Looks Down And Sees An Elephant Trying To Climb It

May 03, 2016 / 3,006 views

A squirrel is living in a pine tree. One day he feels it shaking, looks down, and sees a huge elephant climbing up the tree. The shocked squirrel yells down, "Hey! What are you doing climbing my...

A German Man Helping A Jewish Man Hide In His Attic Felt He Had Sinned

April 20, 2016 / 4,173 views

A man in Germany felt he needed to confess. So he went to his priest, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I hid a Jew in my attic during World War II" "Well, that's not really a sin," answered the...

A Piece Of Rope Walks Into A Bar

April 15, 2016 / 4,166 views

A piece of rope walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here." So the rope walks out, roughs himself up a little and ties himself, then goes back...

Golfer Tells The Story Why He's No Longer Married To His Golfing Wife

April 13, 2016 / 4,223 views

Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's...

Dad Calls Home And Finds Out Mom Is Upstairs With Uncle Paul. This Is Priceless

April 07, 2016 / 7,644 views

"Hello?" "Hi honey. This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?" "No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul." After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you...

A Cop Pulls A Guy Over For Speeding...

March 24, 2016 / 9,969 views

A cop pulls a man over for speeding. He walks up to the car and says, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied. The cop looks up and down the highway....

She Asked The Mortician To Dress Him In A Blue Suit, So This Is What He Did

March 14, 2016 / 8,204 views

A man who'd just died is delivered to a local mortuary and he's wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed, pointing out that the man...

A Man Joins An Order Of Monks Where You Can Only Speak Once Every 15 Years

March 03, 2016 / 11,032 views

A man goes to join an order of monks. The head Monk says to the man, "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years." The man says "Okay" and so begins his time with...

He Loved Driving Trains For A Living. Then One Day He Causes A Crash...

February 24, 2016 / 8,115 views

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living. He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too...

A Man Orders A Cup Of Coffee At The Bar And Pays In Dimes

February 16, 2016 / 11,235 views

A man enters a bar and the bartender comes over and asks, "Can I help you, sir?" The man answers, "What does a cup of coffee cost in this place?" The bartender says, "That would be...

A Lawyer Tries To Trick A Chinese Doctor Into Giving Him $100

February 09, 2016 / 11,227 views

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a hospital in the US, so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside that reads "GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100." An American lawyer thinks this is a great...

Three Senior Men Are Talking About Their Problems, But The Oldest Guy Has Them All Beat!

February 01, 2016 / 14,189 views

Three men were discussing aging at the nursing home. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes...

Doctor Expresses Concern For An 80-Year-Old Patient, Until His Wife Says THIS

January 26, 2016 / 11,690 views

An 80 year old man went for his annual check up and the doctor said, "Friend, for your age you're in the best shape I've seen." The old feller replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. I know I live a good,...

Silent But Deadly

January 18, 2016 / 14,590 views

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since...

An Irishman Wants A Job, But First He Has To Pass A Math Test

January 07, 2016 / 16,379 views

An Irishman wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here is your first question," the boss said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without...

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