Funny Clean Jokes
A Magic Trick In A Pastry Shop
March 26, 2018 / 58,503 views
Two broke and hungry best friends, Dave and John, go to a pastry shop. Dave suddenly whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't notice. He says to John, "See how clever I am?...
A Man Asks For A Free Drink If He Can Prove His Dog Can Talk
March 06, 2018 / 63,829 views
A man walks into a bar with his dog. "This is a talking dog. If this dog can answer my questions, who will buy me a drink?" he asks. "You can have one on the house," the bartender says. The...
An Uber Passenger Taps The Driver On The Shoulder
February 15, 2018 / 49,586 views
An Uber passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window. For a second...
A Student Gets In Trouble And Tells The Principal His Name
February 02, 2018 / 51,596 views
A student got in trouble during class and was sent to the principal's office for the first time. The principal says to him, "What's your name, son?" The student replies: "T-T-T-on-on-on-tony,...
A Man Obsessed With Statistics Is Afraid To Fly
January 18, 2018 / 46,533 views
John lives his life by statistics and is afraid to fly. One day his friend, Bill, asks him, "Why do you have this irrational fear of flying?" "Irrational?" John replies, "Not at all. I've merely...
Buy A Tie
January 08, 2018 / 49,524 views
A fleeing Taliban fighter desperate for water was lost in the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards ‘the object' only to find a little old Jewish man at...
A Woman Is Out Golfing And Finds A Frog Trapped In The Woods
December 18, 2017 / 72,542 views
A woman was out golfing and hit the ball deep into the woods. When she went to look for it she found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three...
A Woman Is Shopping For A Thanksgiving Turkey
November 27, 2017 / 59,782 views
A woman drove to the local grocery store to buy a turkey to prepare for Thanksgiving dinner. She was picking through the frozen turkeys, but she couldn't find one big enough for her entire family. So, she asked a...
A Frog Visits A Fortune Teller
November 10, 2017 / 53,857 views
A frog goes to a fortune teller to find out if he will ever be lucky in love. The fortune teller reads his palm and tells the frog, "I have good news and I have bad news. Which would you like to hear first?" The...
Guy Takes His Blonde Girlfriend To Her First Football Game
November 10, 2017 / 64,826 views
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big...
A Guy Walks Into A Restaurant With A Full-Grown Ostrich Behind Him...
November 02, 2017 / 63,830 views
The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time...
Hunting, Fishing, And Drinking
October 20, 2017 / 39,810 views
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you...
Einstein Had To Speak At An Important Science Conference
September 23, 2017 / 45,944 views
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him: "I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!" The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I...
2 Cats + 2 Cats + 2 Cats
August 26, 2017 / 68,398 views
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and...
Two 90-Year-Old Men, Mike And Joe, Have Been Lifelong Friends
August 16, 2017 / 86,643 views
When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to...
A Woman Is Having A Heart Attack And Meets God
August 07, 2017 / 74,468 views
A woman has a heart attack. During this, she dies and meets God. "Will I die?" she asked. "No," God replied, "You will live for another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days." At this...
The Handsome Man With A Wooden Eye
August 01, 2017 / 48,120 views
A very handsome man gets into a terrible car accident. The doctors save his life, but he loses one eye. Before a nice glass one can be fitted, he is temporarily given a wooden eye. The man becomes very depressed because...
There's A Little-Known Legend About Attila The Hun
July 26, 2017 / 50,887 views
The story goes that Attila used to collect exotic animals that he found during his conquests. He particularly liked dangerous or fearsome animals, and his favourite was a giant snake. He was so fond of it, it was said that he brought it with...
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