So I Looked Up My Ex Online...

By Anonymous • March 29, 2017

I remember having a horrific breakup 4 years ago when I was 25. I was moving in with my boyfriend, talking about getting engaged in a few months, we were inseparable, and then one day he just told me he was leaving. No explanation. He blocked everyone we knew on social media (myself included), packed his bags and flew to another country almost overnight. His housemate told me later he refused to say goodbye and threw his keys in the bin as he left. I'll honestly never understand it.

It completely totally broke me. I couldn't eat or sleep or function. I moved back in with my folks for a while because they were so worried about me. I told myself if I didn't feel better in two months, I'd give myself permission to kill myself. It was the lowest I've ever been.

Long story short, I survived day to day barely, then started putting my life back together. I got healthy, started my own business, got a rescue dog. But I couldn't really date for about three years and felt sure that 'love' was something that just didn't work out for me.

And then I met this guy I thought was wayyy too good for me. The most genuinely sweet thoughtful guy I'd ever met, the kind everyone just loves. He lights up the room. And he fell just as hard for me as I did for him. We started dating and he stood by me as wave after wave of insecurity washed over me. I was sure he was going to leave. I was sure he'd change his mind. But he didn't. And on our ten month anniversary we got our own place together. It's been over a year and we're stronger than ever. And the best part, he's so much better for me than anyone I'd ever dated before. I'd go through all the pain a thousand times over to be with him.

On a side note, after the big breakup with the guy 4 years ago, I never looked him up online. Ever. It was just too painful. After I moved in with my now SO, I felt safe enough to finally have a look and end the curiosity. I found his twitter and it was bizarrely... lame. He tweeted 60+ times a day, all quite lonely messages about being single and needing to find a woman. A lot of sexist creepy stuff too. I was shocked to see he wasn't somebody I should ever have regrets about losing. I was so afraid of him and his rejection for so long, for no reason!

So excuse the big rant, it's just it's the happiest I've ever been and just want to cartwheel on a mountain. If you hang on and work hard, life always gives a chance to be happy again. Just hang on in there if you're struggling or trying to stay afloat. You'll be here soon enough telling your happy story.

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