The Guilt

By Cloe Mendoza Gerona • June 11, 2016

I was broken hearted that time when my whole demeanor changed. I was being nasty to any guy I encountered with. They branded me some bad words, but I don't even care that time because I was generalizing every guy I met. I am thinking that all of them are the same and that they will hurt me. I assume that all of them are like the guy who once I loved but broke me into pieces. I was blinded by the hurt and anger that overflows my heart. Everytime they make small talk it infuriates me much. I like the way they cursed me for being nasty and naughty. I love the way how their anger shows.

One time, a stranger approached me and frankly spoke to me about my attitude towards them. He told me that he can see through my eyes that this wasn't me and I am not myself. He can see that I was trying hard to be too nasty to any guy I met. He told me that I am generalizing all of them. He told me to stop this nonsense all at once because it is unhealthy and it will lengthen the healing process in my heart. I admit it's true though, but I need this nastiness to avoid hurt, but one sentence reverberates my mind ...

"Stop being bad to those who are good to you." -- said He

When I heard this from him, I was totally dumbfounded. He has been just a stranger but he was like teaching and correcting me the things that I am doing differently. I was just amazed, how he came to know about me and that very moment, I cried. After those hard cry, I was enlightened that I need to fix things for myself. I don't need to implicate other people about what happen to me and my Ex and I don't need to be nasty to them no matter how I was badly hurt.

I was guilty for all this nastiness I've done to all those guys I met. Yes, that wasn't me and all of it was a so-called defense mechanism. However, now, I've come to realize that God uses some instrument to make me realize something that is detrimental to my healing. I need not to be bitter, but be better.

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