Twas The Day After Christmas
By Kay • December 26, 2015
Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
at the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
the gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared.
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
and the way I'd never said,"No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
and prepared once again to do battle with dirt---
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"
So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,
get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished.
Till all of the last additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore.
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy new year to all and to all a good diet!
News Anchors Can't Stop Laughing At Baseball Player With Uncanny Ability To Always Find The Camera
Student Begs Teacher To Bring Dog To Class And His Response Is Perfect
They Dumped 12,000 Tons Of Orange Peels Into A National Park. This Is What It Looks Like Now
People Who Accidentally Discovered Their Past Self In A Museum
'Nobody Deserves To Be Hurt, Especially Not For An Idea': Powerful Photos Of Black Woman Protecting KKK Member
A Beautiful Tribute To Labor Nurses Everywhere
Guy On Disability Learns He Owns A Very Rare Blanket And It Changes His Life Forever
Watch This Husky Try So Hard To Befriend The New Kitten
Someone Left Their Phone At Little Caesars And Found This On Their iCloud
Sign Language Interpreter Warned Of Bears, Pizza, And Monsters During Irma Briefing
Son Hears Dad's Guitar For The First Time. His Reaction Is Priceless