3 AM On New Year's Day I Saw The Dark Bags Under My Eyes And I Finally Decided What My New Year's Resolution Should Be
By Jakeery • January 3, 2018
I work the 3rd shift at my job. If anyone knows what it's like to work the graveyard shift, it's terrible. I sleep all day and I'm awake all night. I hardly get a good "nights" sleep.
On top of this, I have a wife and daughter. She's turning a year old this month and I feel like I've only seen her for maybe two months out of her entire life. I sleep while she's awake and I'm awake while the whole house is in bed. It's difficult to live like this.
My constant depression is in full force as has been since she was born. I always saw myself as a terrible father because I can't make time for her. I also found ways to look down on myself as a bad husband for not being able to find a new job. One that would cater to the family-centered life that I long for.
I'm always sick because I don't get sufficient sleep and I eat like crap because it feels good to stuff my face with garbage. My health and sanity have been at an all-time low since I started this shift. I've contemplated suicide more times than I'd like to admit...
But no more will I sit around feeling sorry for myself. I saw in the mirror that new years' night a man who, under bad circumstances, has had the worst of luck. I won't let my situation define me. I'm not going to let it knock me down anymore. I'm going to take care of myself. My new years' resolution is better myself - in any way possible. I want to stop sedating myself with things that feel good; I want to actually feel good.
No more will I just let the days drift pass me. I want to live a long and fulfilling life. I want to be alive long enough to see my little girl grow old. I want her to look at me and see a man that worked his ass off - and it worked!
I want to fill my life with stories of adventure and good times. I don't want my life to be a sob story when it's told to my great-grandchildren.
So here I am to tell you: I'm getting my shit together. I'm going to spend more time with my family. I'm done with this bleak and hopeless life I've been living.
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