A Bear Is Chasing A Squirrel In The Woods...

March 24, 2017 / 1,065 views

A bear is chasing a squirrel in the woods. They cross a river when, all of a sudden, the river genie appears. Genie: "Well, alright. Two customers. I don't know who triggered this whole thing, so lemme give you...

A Guy Brags To His Boss That He Know Everyone There Is To Know

March 11, 2017 / 3,399 views

Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom...

A Farmer Is Being Interviewed About His Cows

February 23, 2017 / 15,051 views

Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give? Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one? Interviewer: Brown one. Farmer: A couple of litres per day. Interviewer: And the black...

A Man Wakes Up In A Dingy Slum And Realizes He's In The Afterlife

February 08, 2017 / 6,090 views

A man wakes up in a dingy slum with no memory of how he got there. He wanders around aimlessly before he finds even one person who will talk to him. Some ratty beggar on the street turns out to be nice enough to explain where he...

A Man Is Lying In Bed In The Hospital Wearing An Oxygen Mask Over His Mouth And Nose

January 30, 2017 / 7,190 views

A young student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know,...

A Guy Sits Down At The Bar In Front Of A Bowl Of Pretzels

January 24, 2017 / 6,078 views

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat. Before he can order a beer, the bowl of pretzels in front of him says, "Hey, you're a handsome fellow." The man tries to ignore the bowl of pretzels, and orders a fine Pilsner...

How My Husband And I Terrified A Taxi Driver

January 17, 2017 / 6,706 views

My husband and I were dressed and ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and a movie. Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a 'night light' and the answering machine, then put the cat in the backyard. When...

A Pastor Is Finishing Up His Sermon On Sunday Morning...

January 09, 2017 / 7,191 views

"In preparation for my sermon next week, I want you all to read Mark chapter 17. You are dismissed." So next week everybody comes back to church. After singing a few hymns, the pastor comes to the pulpit. "How many...

A Gorilla Walks Into A Bar...

December 29, 2016 / 8,381 views

A gorilla goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the...

A Father Notices His Son's Bedroom Is Spotless, Then Finds An Envelope

December 16, 2016 / 24,346 views

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the...

Mom... Dad... I'm Gay

December 09, 2016 / 7,488 views

Son: "Mom, Dad... I'm gay." Mom: Stares at Dad. Dad: Clenches fist. Mom: "Don't!" Dad: Sweats Profusely. Mom: "..." Dad: "HI GAY,...

I Hear You Are Extremely Quick At Math

December 02, 2016 / 8,932 views

Interviewer: "I heard you are extremely quick at math." Me: "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am." Interviewer: "Whats 14x27?" Me: "49." Interviewer:...

A Guy Sits Down In A Diner And Asks For A Bowl Of Hot Chili...

November 28, 2016 / 7,983 views

The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that...

He Stayed Out All Weekend Without Contacting His Wife. Then He Gets Home...

November 14, 2016 / 9,149 views

Bob left work one Friday evening. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his friends and spending his entire wages. When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he...

An Old Man Forgets His Name At The Pearly Gates

November 02, 2016 / 10,632 views

An old man has been standing in line at the pearly gates for so long, when he gets to the front, he can't remember his name for St. Peter to look up in the Big Book. Peter doesn't know what to do, so he gets Jesus to help...

A Horse Is Sitting Home Watching MTV

October 20, 2016 / 8,785 views

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him....

A Man Hates His Wife's Cat, So He Decides To Get Rid Of It

October 16, 2016 / 10,173 views

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided...

A Linguistics Professor Is Lecturing His Class

October 10, 2016 / 12,492 views

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there...

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