I Want To Live More | Anti-suicides

By Manisha Chopda • August 15, 2014

Naive and futile was I when..

I was 8, my mom punished me by not talking for a day, I wanted to give up.

I was 15, when i had a fight with my best friend and he stopped talking to me, I tried cutting my hand.

I was 16, I wanted to go to a beach house party, my mom didn't allow, I went nevertheless, she found out and I wanted to suicide.

I was 18, bold and outrageous, I did a photoshoot for a friend, belonging to an Indian conservative family my parents disliked me for some while, life was depressive and I thought death would be better.

My perspective on life changed when..

I turned 19, I met with a serious car accident, I went into a traumatic stage, but I wanted to live more.

I had my urinary bladder stitched up, for the initial month post surgery, every time I peed I felt pain similar to labor pain, yet I wanted to live more.

A total of 5 major surgeries all my life of 21 years, yet I want to live more.

For the past 3 years I've only been recovering while my other friends are studying further and a few work, I'm 21 and I still don't have a UG degree, yet I want to live more.

When I faced death, I realized living was better. Yes, there will be a million problems in life, but every problem is like a passing cloud. You just got to hold on.

I realized that my life was not just mine and then, I wanted to live not for myself but for others. When you are on a planet with 7 billion people, you get associated to people - your family, friends, acquaintances, fans, the society.. Somebody. Giving up your life is like punishing them for no fault of theirs.

Depression,work stress, agony, emotional pain or betrayal, we have it all. In fact, we need these in life for becoming a finer person.

As much as I respect personal choices, suicide is a cowardice act. You feel you want to break-free, you should find ways to calm yourself not harm yourself. Do yoga, listen to music, dance, talk to a friend or do anything you love and enjoy doing. Whenever I feel down, I write.

Whatever be the problem, there must be a way out. There will be light in some hopeful direction and in the end, everything's gonna be alright.

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